Souls of Pier 35

It’s a scene familiar to him. The softness of the wind once caressed him during brief happy times, building a false sense of security. As the breeze touches his eyes, the tears pour because he’s reminded of the disappointments suffered throughout his life. The cold breeze brushes past his face, feeling like the many slaps, brush-offs, and playful games life has played with him. Pier 35 has always been a place where Alex could collect his thoughts and remind himself that he’s better than his life has written. Sitting on the weathered pier, his eyes notice the many stories the aged wood tells. Voices of workers who have since been laid off, the deaths of joy riders on a bitter night of fun, the death of a young girl who lost her way because her father couldn’t stop abusing her, and the many tears he has shed that helped wear down on the planks of the pier. The cracks in the wood help the splinters lodge themselves into his slacks, while he continues to let his mind race. The age-old question of “what is the meaning of life” hovers over his worried mind as it has the many individuals who have graced the pier and successfully stayed by leaving their souls. The pier has taken souls, tears, minds, bodies, and worlds. There’s something simple about this place Alex inhabits every week though. No high level thinking is required, no pressures of pleasing those at work, no expectations to live by, no pain or suffering, needs or judgments. Just the people who have left their thoughts here and the many stories they speak every time the wind blows. As these thoughts run throughout his mind, a small leaf moves effortlessly by, being moved with rhythmic motions of the water. As his legs dangle from the pier, he wishes he could tap the leaf with the toe of his shoe, but it continues to float forward. “How come I can’t be like that?” He asks himself. The tone of the voices begins to change as the night overtakes the day, changing his thoughts to the next day. He hates to leave all of his friends behind, but they weren’t very talkative today. Probably because he knows that they have helped him as much as possible. The voices make their mistakes clear in the fact that they are still located at the pier. For all intensive purposes, Alex has a somewhat supportive network of friends that tries to reach out, but doesn’t know how. He could never understand why people would take their own lives; but, on this day, he finally understands. Nothing prevents him from making the decision to join those who left themselves at this pier. Why is he here today? There is no place else that will move the cloud, which has destroyed him physically and mentally. Images of the many tragedies, selfish acts against him, and the loss of reality dominate his thoughts. The echoing of the phrase "internalize your problems" stays with him constantly. Alex internalizes the eulogy he spent so much time thinking about. Every single day is a struggle as he internalizes the death of a spirit. After his final brush with God, and the many other tragedies in his life, there’s nothing left inside of him. The one person who did understand met her end by the hands of a man using text while driving his truck. His best friend, spiritual twin, and the one person he considered his air left him behind. So many feelings flow through his mind as he ponders the course of life without her and the images of her, as his eyes gaze at the picture sitting on the weather battered plank to his left. Her life was a story of perseverance, struggle, disappointments, and triumphs. All the while, Alex stood by her side through it all, faithful until the end that came too soon. Who is he without her is a question that Alex doesn’t want to answer, but he did face the question once, and came out beaten. The gulls call to one another as boats in the distance continue with their work of the evening. As the hours in the day progressed, the image of her auburn eyes gazing in his direction, the dimensions of her lips moving while she tells those horrible jokes of hers, the way the middle of her forehead crinkled up when she was frustrated, and the dramatic way she laughed as they talked about her are climbing deep within his soul. Now that she’s gone, Alex truly understands the meaning of not taking life for granted; yet, he doesn’t have what it takes to continue. Never is there a day that goes by that he doesn't enjoy the wind as it glides across his frame, the smell of the fresh air, the sounds of the water moving and trees shimmering. As the words cover his mind, he realizes this is his way of externalizing the hurt and frustrations her death causes. He carries her spirit with him but it doesn’t stop him from going into a deeper depression. The last time they spoke, before she left for work, he had her laughing about something, but doesn't remember what. On his way to work, he called her and talked, as they normally did. Receiving a call from a co-worker, the last words he uttered to her were "I’ll call you later." Can he ever escape the guilt with never completing a simple act as picking up the phone and calling her back? She knew he loved her deeply; probably as much as a man can, but that still doesn’t alleviate or lessen the guilt felt inside. The images are so vivid that they seem as if they really occurred in some past life. The words she uttered to him every single moment his mind took a turn towards frustration were, "If you don't open the blinds, the sun won’t shine in." The phrase in itself isn’t poetic, nor is it profound; yet, it settles a tired and frustrated soul. The body that his eyes witnessed is a shell of the woman he loves. It’s her soul and inspiration that he’ll miss the most. These things are evident in the thoughts he has for her and the love they shared throughout. He speaks aloud, as the waves beneath the pier accentuate his thoughts. “I stare into the sky waiting on answer as to why…why would you do this to me? Why would you take the only person that matters to me in this world? Nothing about this is fair or just. You have taken the last thing from me you’re gonna take. I’ve had enough so I give back to you your gift of life!” This is the last conversation he will have with God for reasons only clear to him. God is to blame for continuously destroying his life and no one can tell him any different. Alex then decides to join those who left their souls at pier 35, but he can’t help but reminisce before he takes his own life. He thinks about the things that have carried him here; the path he chose that drives him to this place in life. The dark water becomes a screen as he can see images of the past in the water. Alex reaches out to touch those images and see where he went wrong. Suddenly, Alex postpones his date with God in order to reflect on his life more.