You Were There

Tonya lies on the sidewalk, unable to lift herself anymore. The cold snow and wind are beginning to cut through her coat as if she weren’t wearing one. Suddenly she hears tires squealing an coming to a stop. Looking in the direction, she feels the arms and smells the scent of someone familiar. Feeling like she’s being thrown about, the feeling of movement surrounds her, and it’s the last thing she remembers before passing out.

Awakened out of shock, she feels like she is being drowned because Rajah threw her in a bath of water fully dressed.

“Aghhhh, what’s happening!” she screams.

“Are you out of your damn mind! Huh…are you out of your mind! What the hell you doing out there drinking!” Rajah yells at her furiously, panicked that she could do it.

“I’m sorry…I’m sorry…I, I thought I was…” Tonya lifts and grabs her face, sobbing terribly. He stands over her with his hands on his hips, totally angry with her but starting to calm, realizing something must have happened.

“Tonya…Tonya…Look at me.”

She gazes at him with this look of disappointment and shame. All he could do is look in her eyes and see the pain. “Forget it…let’s get you out of this bath. Helping her undress, he removes the clothing and places it in the washing machine. Taking the bath sponge from the side, he puts some lavender soap in the sponge and helps her bathe. He hated to do this, especially since this is his sister, but needed to do it because she couldn’t. Removing the showerhead, he sprays her down, while she cries, feeling that she has disappointed him and that she’s in this predicament. Rising from his knees, he goes to get her a t-shirt, lotion, and the WMU shorts she stole from him a while ago but gave back. Putting her arms around him, he lifts her body and dries her off. After applying lotion, he put her in the shorts and t-shirt and carries her to the bed. Lying her down, he notices that she falls right to sleep. Staring at her for a moment, he seems calm until he breaks down and starts to cry from the trauma of the situation. Going into the bathroom, he returns to his knees and lets the water out. The small whirlpool turns over the drain, almost hypnotizing him. After cleaning up, he returns to the bedroom, to see her resting peacefully. Climbing in next to her, she feels him and moves to his chest to rest in peace and security.

The silence of the night takes hold of the area as kids, couples, and single individuals dig deep within their blankets for the night. Another weekend has approached and Rajah lies in bed at 2:34 a.m. unable to sleep. On his chest is his sister, obviously going through some inner turmoil, and unable to speak about it too much from being inebriated. The glare of the television bounces off the white walls, reminding him of the times they would watch television together. It all seems so unreal to see her like this. He’s not at all disappointed in her. On the contrary, he’s happy she had enough courage versus pride to pick up the phone. Nevertheless, she’s safe with him as he continues to calm from this frantic evening.

The palms of his hands are ice cold, but sweating due to his inability to shake his nervousness about Tonya’s condition. She has been doing so well and it hurts to see her this way. “What can I do to make this better?” he thinks. “Is this my fault for not having the time to call her? Let’s face it, we just are too busy. Who am I kidding? That is a load of crap. If we wanted to really see one another, we would’ve made the time. We make time to do everything else in our lives.” Moving the hair off her face, he realizes more how much he misses her and fights everyday he doesn’t talk to her. Feeling his touch, she wraps her hand around his torso and firmly holds. She’s always been safe here and unconsciously, Tonya knows where she is. Rajah knows this is where she will have to detox and get it back together, so he’s ready. A low level of guilt overtakes him for being so petty to his friend. The burn of her not coming to his graduation probably had more of a negative affect then he wanted to accept, as well as her relationship. His whole “out of sight out of mind” way of thinking backfired and now the thought of not being there for her at this time eats at him like the Colorado through the rocks of the Grand Canyon. It’s tough for him to shake the guilt from his treatment of her, but he tries not to worry until they speak.

The gray covers are wrapped around her body, as she continues to kick the black comforter further down. Nestled in the queen size bed with his sister, Rajah continues to contemplate their relationship, feeling like she has too much power to hurt him. Some men don’t like to admit they feel something so deeply, and this is how he feels more now than ever. Watching the soft soul video channel, his mind starts to drift back to when they first met, but before he can think too far back, she awakes. Lifting her head off his chest, she looks around as if she’s unaware of her whereabouts. Looking up in the slight darkness, she sees his face but isn’t sure it’s him. “Is this a dream?” she thinks. Lifting up, she backs up to the headboard to rest her back.