How Come Nothing Ever Kills Granddad?
by
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I went down the elevator and caught a cab to
There was a large waiting room and an attendant showed me to a bed and gave me a well used A&P shopping bag and a robe. He told me to put the robe on, put my street clothes in the bag and stick the bag under my bed. I asked him if I could get anything for pain and he said that a doctor would be along shortly and he would take care of that. As I looked around the room at the other patients, I noticed some things that had escaped my eye during my first few minutes there. The room was very crowded. All the beds were head first into the wall and it was possible for a person to fit between two beds but he would have to first shove them apart a bit to squeeze in.
Then I noticed a big difference between me and all the others. Every other patient in the room had a pair of handcuffs attaching one of his wrists to the bed or a pair of cuffs attaching one of his feet to the bed. There was a nursing station in the center of the room and there was a constant flow of people in and out of the room, but none of them were either doctors or nurses. They were almost all cops. Some came in, checked on a prisoner’s cuffs and left. Some of them spoke briefly to one of the prisoners and then left. Several of them stopped in front of my bed. Almost every conversation we had was exactly the same, although no police officer stopped at my bed more than once.
The conversations all went like this.
“How did you get out of your handcuffs?”
“I was never in handcuffs. I walked in on my own volition,” I said.
“Bullshit. Let me see your paperwork.”
“I don’t have any paperwork. If you could get me a doctor and he could tell me what is causing the pain and if I’m going to die, then maybe I’ll sign some paperwork for you.”
“Don’t be a wise ass. Who’s your arresting officer?”
“I’ve never been arrested. Look in the bag under the bed. My wallet is in my pants. You can see my driver’s license.”
He pulled the bag out from under the bed and opened it. He couldn’t believe his eyes. “There’s a suit in here, and black dress shoes. Are you nuts? There are hospitals all over this town and you chose this one.”
He stuffed the clothes back in the bag and put it back under the bed.
“Could you please see if I could talk to a nurse or a doctor? I really need something for pain.”
“Sorry, pal. You’re not my problem. I’m sure they’ll get to you soon.”
After the third officer gave me the interrogation, I kept the bag on the bed and my ID handy.
After about an hour and a half, a doctor stopped by and asked what was wrong. I explained my problem and asked for something for pain.
“It sounds like kidney stones,” he said.
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About the Book
For seventy years, Pat Sheridan has lived an extraordinary and lucky life. He faced life’s problems without ever losing his sense of humor, his spirit, or his optimistic outlook. His autobiography takes us inside a family of twelve children, raised in
His civic and political activities led him to meetings and shared speaking engagements with
We follow his business career with a no-holds barred look at the people he worked with as he progressed toward becoming the Chief Executive Officer of several companies. As Executive Vice President and Chief Financial Officer of a Fortune 500 company, he worked with the financial giants of Wall Street.
Pat and his wife, Diane, took their family on annual vacations that eventually brought them to thirty countries. His insights and the humorous incidences that they encounter make for an irreverent tour guide for traveling abroad.
Having survived several cancer operations, hepatitis C, cirrhosis of the liver, diabetes, dozens of kidney stones, and more than a dozen other surgeries and diseases, he calls himself, God’s lab rat. His latest cancers led his granddaughter to ask her mother, “How come nothing ever kills granddad?”
About the Author
Patrick M. Sheridan retired as Executive Vice President and Chief Financial Officer of a Fortune 500 company prior to beginning his writing career. He is a graduate of The University of Notre Dame, and has a Master’s Degree from The University of Detroit. He served as a Captain in the United States Army, and was a candidate for the United States Congress.
This is his sixth book; having previously written the international thrillers, The Doer, Beneath the Radar, and Murphy’s Other Law. He also wrote the humorous memoirs of his favorite Canine-Americans, his dachshunds, in Bottle-Cap Sundaes, and God Gets a Dog.
He lives in