48 Acres
by
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I asked her, “Do you understand how to drive a go-cart?” She told us in quite a cocky tone, “I'm a master bumper car driver.” Great, I thought, the steering wheels on bumper cars spin all the way around. We decided some instructions were necessary, so we went over the basics. We felt she should understand some of the important stuff, like turning, using the gas, and most important, how the brakes worked. Bumper cars don't have brakes. At last, she felt ready to take on the track. However, my brother and I were still quite nervous. For some reason, there just seemed to be too much air inside the helmet, when we put it on her head. Turns out we were right. Nothing could have been simpler. Push slowly on the gas, go carefully down around the first turn, and speed up a little on the long back straightaway. If anything goes wrong, push on the brake. "Don't worry, I understand,” she said, in a huff, while pulling away from us. Everything went fine around the first corner, but from there on, it was an episode from the Keystone Cops. Once she got on the back straightaway, she gave it more gas. Things were going smooth, until she hit a dirt clod or something on the track. It bounced the go-cart a little, scaring her, so she slammed down hard on the brake. However, it wasn't the little horizontal pedal she pushed down, but the long vertical one, aka, the gas. That girl put the hammer down in a big way. She catapulted down the back straightaway, launching the go-cart off the track, through the fence line, and into the next pasture. Driving out of control in the next field, we raced after her, while screaming at the top of our lungs, to let off the gas, and push on the brake. Somehow, she got the go-cart turned around, and headed back toward us. Apparently, she didn't get the brake concept. Miraculously, she missed the cows that had been grazing peacefully in the next pasture, vaulted over a small ditch, and was able to get a radar lock on us heading for her. The three of us were unbelievably able to dive out of her way, as she flew past us wide open. Instantly, we again took off after her yelling to use the brake. She was at full throttle, spinning wildly around in the field over ditches, and past cattle, posts, and us. For some reason, she felt she had to head toward us again, and no matter where we ran she zeroed in on us like a heat seeking missile. Time after time, we dove out of her way, as she performed some of the best dirt track maneuvers ever seen in order to keep us in her sights. The cattle were smart enough to bail out of the pasture into the trees for protection. Just goes to show which is the more evolved species. At last, she made a hairpin turn, and flashed past us one last time, before torpedoing down into the ditch below the pigpens. Fortunately, it was more of a giant mud bog than anything. That saved her, because just a short distance across the ditch was the heavy trees in the civil war cemetery. When I saw her headed for the trees, I figured she had picked out a headstone for herself. I actually didn't think the mud would slow her down. Amazingly, she bottomed out in the ditch, sending an awesome rooster tail of mud thirty or forty feet into the air behind the go-cart. Even though she was vacuum-sealed to the ground, she didn't let off the gas. Thankfully, now the go-cart wasn't moving, and our female rocket test pilot was only mining mud. Quickly, we got along side of her, and collectively screamed at maximum volume, “Take your foot off the gas!!!” She did, and we literally jerked her out of the go-cart. Luckily, none of us were injured, although I think some of the cattle needed a few sessions of therapy. I asked her, “Why didn't you push on the brake?” Her response really scared us, as she said, “I had my foot on the brake the whole time, but it wasn't working.” At the time, I thought that dim-witted girl was about as smart as a pan full of boiled gravel. However, with time, I realized she was probably scared half to death, flying around through those fields. In her mind, she was trying to stop the go-cart, and it had to have been terrifying with everything feeling totally out of control. In the end, no one was hurt, the go-cart was only muddy, and the cows recovered. Our bumper car queen, who had turned go-cart dare devil, was more than happy to go back to the city where it was safe.
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About the Book
Enjoy the heart warming and often hilarious adventures of a young boy in the early 1960's who leaves behind the street gangs of a big city for the simpler life on a small farm. The crowded city is replaced by forests and fields as a young boy learns hard work, and many important lessons of life from a sage grandpa. Discover or remember how simple life was at one time on a small family farm in the rolling hills of southwestern Ohio. Enjoy the freedoms and frustrations of youth as a young boy becomes a young man while learning from the trials and wisdom of a seasoned, mischievous grandpa. Moving from a carefree world of play to one of hard work and responsibilities would seem to make life miserable, instead it becomes the happiest time in a young boy's life. Teaming up with his grandpa creates some hilarious adventures as they work around the farm and coon hunt the woods at night. Experience the excitement of life, before computers, video games, and cell phones, where family was the center of everything and youthful imaginations ran wild. Many of the most important lessons of life aren't taught in classrooms, but are learned in the School of Hard Knocks by those who have earned their PhD there, as the young man on his 48 acres finds out.
About the Author
After years of entertaining individuals, small groups around campfires, and large audiences with his stories and adventures of real life, Vallyn Bernard is finally sharing his unique story telling talents in print. Drawing from real life experiences, his distinctive story telling ability brings out the best of us in ways that can leave everyone laughing till their sides hurt while touching all our emotions. Vallyn has a gift of showing how some of the simplest things can teach the most important and profound lessons of life. He is able to go back to a simpler time and help us see the importance of the base values that make us who we are, and can become. After traveling to many parts of the world, and living in the back woods and teeming cities, Vallyn has spent almost 35 years with the love of his life, Sunshine, raising six sons in the high desert plains and rugged peaks of the intermountain west. From the hills of southern Kentucky, across the oceans and seas of the world, to the deserts and mountains of the wild, wild west, Vallyn has experienced the best and worst life has to offer. Thus, giving him a special edge to bring stories to life, and touch the tenderest cords in our hearts. Enjoy the hilarious and heart warming stories that have brought people back, time and time again over the years, to be entertained and inspired.