Red Bird Just Like This
by
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Jesus On The Road
This is an example of how I think and dream. This story should tell you what the book’s about:
Last night I dreamed about my sister Rosalie’s toilet. The ragged hole it sat on leaked. The wax ring was misaligned. It was made in
Jesus pointed that out to Rosie. Jesus was on the street corner with a sign that read “Lost Hobo”. Rosie was in her P.T. Cruiser, headed to the gas station, when she ran out of gas. Up pops Jesus and says, “Lady, hey lady, fret thou not. For Lo, verily, I happen to have enough gas in my canteen to get you to the gas station. If you’ll give me a ride to the highway you can have it. I’ll even help you fix your toilet.
Before Rosie could speak, (and she was speechless anyway) Jesus popped the gas cap off and proceeded to pour his canteen into the tank. It was one of those canvas covered large desert canteens. As Rosalie stood there aghast, watching what looked to her to be tap water gurgling into her Cruiser---she said to herself “Oh Lord, my car is ruined!”
Jesus was dressed oddly, even for a hobo. He wore a green top that used to be the top half to a silky negligee. Had on a pair of overalls that the top half had been literally ripped off. The waist was held on by several strips of duct tape applied directly to the skin of his stomach. For shoes, he wore huarache sandals with 2 pairs of black socks.
Jesus turned and looked her way as he emptied the canteen. He asks Rosie” You know who I am,---don’t you?” Rosie had got past the initial shock a little, so she’s thinkin’ to herself “Yeah,--you’re the crazy bastard who just cost me a lot of money to get my Cruiser towed and repaired.
Before she could answer him he’d jumped into the drivers seat. Rosie berated herself, inwardly “Shit, shit, shit, I left the keys in the ignition.” Then she remembered the 5 shot, snub-nosed .38 in the glove compartment.
She hopped into the passenger seat, snagged the .38, pointed it at Jesus, and told him “You touch those keys and you won’t be a “Lost Hobo” anymore. You’ll need a new sign that reads “Dead Hobo!” He smiled. Damn, his teeth were whiter than any hobo’s teeth should be.
He touched the keys. He didn’t turn the ignition, he just touched the keys. All of a sudden they were not on the street corner anymore. Rosie looked out the windshield and was stunned to discover they were sitting in her driveway.
“Let’s see if we can get your bowels some relief now,” Jesus said. Rosie was afraid to move. She wasn’t altogether sure she wasn’t still asleep or maybe even dead. Jesus smiled again(that beatific smile that knocks you out) and says “There are many mansions in my Father’s house, and the toilets all work fine in each and every one. No shit,---I can fix it for you!”
So they go look at the toilet. There were a couple of goldfish in it. Jesus goes “There’s your problem.” Rosie cries out “What the hell? There wasn’t any water in there,--it’s disconnected. I know for a fact---there were no fish in it either. Those were not there when I left. Don’t flush it---please.”
Jesus gave Rosie a quizzical look and said, “Got any bread?” Pissed Rosalie off good. Rosie yelled, “Did you hear one damn word I said?” Jesus looked all offended. He says “Hey Lady, ---I just wanted to show you a magic trick. They used to call ‘em m
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About the Book
God told me a joke. It was terribly funny as they say. Sort of an L.S.D tinged flavor to it. After a while the smile becomes brittle. You end up falling in love with your own heart. It’s a gruesome act _______to mind fuck yourself. There is no sound when the hymen ruptures.
I had to ask God to whisper. Tries to tell it too fast, too loud. “Slow down, God.” I have to remind him from time to time. Of course he’s male;…. we’re talking about me.
Humor is pitiful? Full of pity as the proverbial bottomless cup it is. God knows how funny it all truly is, and how ridiculously we gyrate, tryin’ to be cool, like him. Too far out. Lord have mercy;… we’ll all split a gut at the end.
It took me six (count em’) years to write this small piece of my life. The temptation to fictionalize it was strong. Those of you who shake their head and say, “Oh sure, uh-huh, sure, right?” All I can tell you is, you don’t know everything, and you should get to know me before your own possibilities atrophy.
About the Author
Mr. Stevens has often confronted the authorities with aplomb and contempt. He does it again in this wonderful first novel. He also confronts cancer, amputation, and clinical inconsideration. The exigencies and vagaries of the medical establishment are revealed.
The wildness and exuberance of the 60’s are part of his experience from the
Gypsies, con men, pool hustlers, thieves, ex-cons, prostitutes, drug addicts, drug dealers, and all the stories of the streets are done in a manner so direct and disarmingly honest as to be shocking. The stories of his friends and ex-lovers are so heart breakingly poignant you’ll want to know him like a brother.
He is as fiery as the “Red Bird” that is his AVATAR! This book flies!
This is the first book in the autobiographical novel series Of Red Bird, Blue Bird, and lastly, Black Bird.