The Silent Vow

Resistance to old friends, and hopes in finding new ones had crossed the mind.  One friend asked if the boy had learned anything.  New friends asked if he wanted to do anything new.  Some new friends wanted to do some homework together.  What the boy learned about the police was kept a secret. If they were interested they would have to learn it for themselves.  Some friends tried to get the boy into their things.  Stores were on their minds.  Studies were appreciated until the boy started to feel stupid, and he could deal with them.  Average grades, and passing grades were on their way up.  The influences of people as that were coming, had a positive ring.  Somewhere the boy lost touch with these influences, and went on his way.

Communicating was just the words.  They were cheap, but not from his mouth.  What he let out formed and would come back to him again.  At times, with some people the boy let the words roll without being aware of what he was saying. There were other times he was very careful. 

Words and people had similar characteristics.  What they were was unclear at the time, but yet another feeling of uncertainty existed.  The boy could see things in the friends, and realize parts of them, as they would go by.  The boy wasn't getting into them, and he wasn't avoiding them either.  Friends have a strange on-and-off feeling to him.

The impact for his courtroom involvement created a great concern in his involvement with drug consumption.  For some time he was careful, and often resigned to not participate in the parties.  A lesson was learned, and it was only a matter of time before his dependency would start up again. His involvement with kids at school seemed to leave him interacting with members of the drug world. 

The boy displayed a great dependency with his interactions. This dependency was satisfied through drug consumption, and the depth of interaction with the substance abusers.  When he involved himself with healthy students, they were interested in pacifying the dependency for the boy.  They could tell there was more the boy wanted from their interactions.  The healthy students were more independent, and expected a firmer sense of independence when they interacted with fellow students.

He displayed persistent need for emotional interactions.  The healthy students did not interact at that intensity with everybody. He would consistently face rejection when he approached people with this level of need. His emotional demands could have been compared to some intense involvement exhibited in a personal relationship.  These transactions occur often with substance abusers as they transact with the drugs.  Possessing these needs, he was destined to face rejection from students that were only interested in some form of intellectual stimulation.  

The boy was determined to rejuvenate his style.  The lift in his studies didn't last very long.  It was like an impulse with a dying sound wave.  The affects to his grade were sufficient. Then the drugs made their reappearance.  His lifestyle was able to reroute itself, or was that rerouting itself.  Like a pot seed in the soil’s surface and the ways it gets into the world.  The boy was answering its call.  Sometimes he wished the seeds would just pop, die, or let him go.  At the pop of the seed in the joint, it let his imagination go.  Limitations of his independence were ignored.  Confines of life, fallacies, boundaries, and discomforts, were chemically uplifted to set him free.  He believed he was free.

Feelings and emotions were still getting confused inside.  The old spaced out beliefs of communication were on again.  With amounting fears, pressures, tensions, and irritations out of the way, he believed he was carefree.  Ignorance to the real way life happenings was reconfirmed in his mind.  He twisted, changed, and altered information to suit his purposes, and beliefs.  As he saw the world, things were full of roses.  There became a mystique in what was said.  Something led to further information.  Uncertain as to what was really said came up.  Was reality what was said that was meant, or was reality the meaning that was said?  Energy to bring the curiosity to the table for discussion was absent.  Trust in what was said left questions.  Who would answer the questions?  The questions had a way of feeling answered for them selves.  He began to receive a different sense of meaning.  The boy received the insightful end, the uncertain end, and the bitter end. 

In communication, the boy was getting something.  It led to wondering if people were telling him the truth in things.  This was all part of the great plan to teach a new way of life.  The boy learned the redirection from being guilty before proved innocent.  Making the best of things, and applying the learning process, and piecing the information into the knowledge were accepted.  From a new source, it all made sense as the involvements began unfolding.  The new experiences were pieces of the daily life.  He was geared toward forgetting the pa