Unwritten Love

CHAPTER 1 - The Rock I can clearly remember my grandmother (Mom’s Mom) taking me and my siblings to the dressmaker across the road to have us fitted with white dresses and later she went to the Chinese Variety Store down the road to buy black ribbon for our hair. This is what we would wear for our mother’s funeral. White dresses and black ribbon in our hair. Being so young we did not quite understand what funerals meant and were more excited about our new outfits. At the time I was aged ten and my siblings were eight, six, three and a one day old baby. Our mother died the day after giving birth to my baby sister. Mom suffered hypertension and hemorrhaged after birth. In those days a woman would give birth to her first child in hospital in case of an emergency and after that she would have the rest of her babies at home with the help of a midwife. As a ten year old I remember my baby sister was born on a Friday and Mom died on a Saturday. The ambulance was summoned and Paramedics were frantically trying to save her life but to no avail. The baby was placed in a second bedroom and my Dad was sitting beside her weeping bitterly. At the time there were two midwives who served our area. They were Nurse Lawrence and Nurse Wiegeman. I can’t remember which nurse was assigned to Mom but she was devastated at the loss of her patient. After Mom was certified dead the neighbors and family came over to pay their respects. Some were somber, some were crying, some were whaling and others offered prayers and hymns. As a custom among the Coloured people some brought cookies and tea to be served to the mourners. In between the mourners would recite Psalm 23 “The Lord is my Sheppard” which I later learnt was also known as the “Psalm of death”. Mom’s body was washed and covered with a white sheet where she remained on her bed for the next three days. In those days either mortuary cost was too expensive for my Dad to afford or they did not exist. On the day of the funeral the undertakers came to our home, placed her in the coffin and drove her to church for the start of the funeral service. The church was on the same street where we lived namely N.G. Kerk (Dutch Reform Church) Banjo Street Steenberg.This church was newly built in our area and was mainly to serve the Coloured parishioners of the church. Grandma sat in the front pew with her granddaughters dressed in white dresses and black ribbon in our hair while the baby was wrapped in a white shawl in her arms. She was burying her eldest daughter who was only 33 years old. At the time we lived in Banjo Street Steenberg in the Western Cape. We were the first to move into this area which was strategically built for Coloured people. This was part of the government group areas plan to keep different races apart. My parents were only too happy to have a home because prior to that they had to share a house with my Dad’s family who lived on 9th Avenue Retreat. After the burial we went to grandma’s house where we would spend the rest of our lives. I have to mention that our baby sister was deeply loved nurtured and spoiled by our grandmother whom we lovingly referred to as “Ma” and who would now become our guardian. Our Dad who loved us very dearly would not have been able to raise us as a single Dad. I believe if Ma was not around we would probably have been split up in foster homes or with different family members but definitely not in the same home with a loving environment. At the time of Mom’s death our Ma had just finished raising her six children of whom the youngest was already an eighteen year old. Just as she thought it was time for her to relax she started all over again with having to raise her five granddaughters. I should also mention that ten years after our Mom passed, grandma lost another one of her daughters and was left with another three grandchildren to care for. Ma was illiterate and complimented the family income by working as a Domestic Servant for a White family. Knowing Ma’s predicament her employer, Mrs De Bruin was a wonderful women who went out of her way to help Ma care for us. Ever so now and again I had to meet Mrs. De Bruin on Wynberg Station so that she could hand over the shopping which she bought for us. This would include new underwear, socks, and sometimes new shoes for me which I had to try on at the station. Although I was excited and grateful for my new shoes I was also embarrassed when people use to stare at us. After our meeting at the station I would get a hug and we would part ways. I loved Mrs De Bruin for how she spoiled us. When Ma used to come home after work we would be excited to see what Mrs. De Bruin had sent us in the form of candy. I also remember going to work with Ma and while she would be cleaning house, I got to play with the pets. She had a Parrot who could only say “hello and good bye” She also had a Siamese cat whom I loved very much and a Shitsu puppy. While our Ma took on all these responsibilities, our grandpa whom we lovingly referred to as “Pa” continued to work as the Head Chef at the Bluemoon Hotel in Lakeside. He loved us very dearly and although he was not our biological grandpa his love for us never altered. These are two people in my life whom I absolutely adored and who taught me values and shaped my future. We don’t know our biological grandfather but with Pa in our lives we had the best. I can truly say “hooray” to grandparents. Every life’s journey ends in death yet I would like to think that life is a long preparation for that Moment yet our Mom did not even get to say “Good-bye”. She was 33 years old at time of death. We all have to die yet it is sad that some have to go sooner than others. The day when Ma and Pa heard that their eldest daughter had died it must have been the worst day of their lives. Anyone that had lost a child will understand how lonely the experience can be. However the more you are surrounded by family, friends, neighbors, the easier it becomes to digest. I can truly say that Ma and Pa (Wilhelmina McDuma and Daniel Joel McDuma Sr) was “The Rock “in our lives.