From Prodigal to Held, A Diary of Hurt and Hope

It doesn’t help when people say this is normal, every parent goes through this. My parents didn’t. I didn’t leave them; I didn’t not let them know where I was and what I was doing. I just don’t understand. I would never want to hurt my family like this…I know they don’t feel the same, but that’s beside the point. My child is gone. My heart is gone. My world has stopped turning. Each day is like the one before. I get up, I pray, I read a gospel, I shower, go to work, come home, and sit and stare at the walls and wonder where she is. How she is. Does she know I love her? Does she still have a mustard seed of love for me? My life will never be the same. My heart will never be the same. How do parent deal with missing kids? When they die you have closure, you at least have a place to visit and talk…when they are just gone there is no closure, no ending, no reasoning. I try to put my mind somewhere else, but maybe it’s just too soon…what does a mother do? We carry our children, nurture our children, hurt when they hurt. When a child goes missing everyone blames the mom…what did you do? Where did you go wrong? Search your heart and find out what you did…let God guide you in your mistakes…