CALIFORNIA, THE LIES BEHIND THE SUNSHINE

“Most of us Pray every day for God to come and bring us out of the things that we are going through in our lives. We are told by our Elders, our Pastors, to pray for the things that we need, to pray in times of despair, in the time of hurt, pain, hopelessness, desperation, distress, stress, anguish, unhappiness, or little to no finances. I prayed, and I prayed, and things just kept getting worse and worse. I had no control over these things that were happening. I was in a Foreign land with no Life; I wasn’t living, I was existing. The more I fought, the more Giants kept coming; Trials and Tribulations, I barely got through. I cried so much, that I had no more tears, but they always seemed to come back. I called on God to bring me through everything that I was going through. I did not do the things, that I was being accused of. I lost everything, and I didn’t know why it was happening to me”. “Okay, I guess times has change Brooklyn! You been in Virginia too long Sista’, you forgot how to “Keep it Real”; and when you forget how to “Keep it Real”, you become “Real Fake!” “What would Jesus do? Then I thought to myself, Jesus don’t have to do nothing! I got this! Jesus has better things to do, then deal with this piece of shit! I looked at this low down dirty no good Snake in her eyes; and she couldn’t even look at me. So, this is how we gonna play this game? Okay, she fuckin’ with the wrong one! Game on Bitches! The only way to kill a Snake, is to chop off the Head!” “So, tell me what, would Jesus do when one of his children are, in need of help? I come to the place of Worship, a place that my Father owns; I am thirsty; I am in need, of water and I am denied; because I have no money, to give you for a sip of water. What must I do? Will you turn me away?” “When I tried to walk that “Straight” line and do the “Right” things in “Life”, somehow, that way wasn’t working for me! Doing the “Right” thing, didn’t mean shit! I lived in a maze; a maze that I was always working so hard, to find a way out of! The walls were closing in on me, while trying to maintain and sustain my Existence! I tried to do, what I needed to do, in a place that I was not used to doing it. It was a whole different way of life, a whole different way of “doing the right things”; it automatically became a trap; that some of us, will never get out of; no matter how many straight lines we walk, no matter what we go through, no matter what our bodies go through, no matter how many times we Pray, no matter how many times we fall to our knees, no matter how many times we cry out for help, it never comes. Where was God?” “I didn’t know how, I was going to start off this, “change of life Journey”, that turned into an “unbelievable, you have to see it, to believe it” story. It’s so much to tell, so much to express, and so much to say, but with wanting to do all that; I also wanted to finally be able to tell my story, and how I was feeling all those years; when nobody wouldn’t listen, when nobody had time to listen. I can only tell you the truth about my life, about what I was going through Mentally, Physically, Emotionally and Spiritually. Everyone has a side of this story to tell, but everyone is not writing this book...I am. So, I’m just going to go ahead, and tell my story. I am not going to apologize for anything that I have done in the past, the present, or in the future. After I tell my story, I will be “Free to be Me!” The only forgiveness that means anything to me, is that of my Lord, and Savior, Jesus Christ! For everyone else that I love dearly, I really don’t care what you say, but I do respect the fact that you all gave me reason to write; you gave me a story to share with the world”. “On our way to the Funeral, my Sister, asked me did I want to take a puff of weed; because I began crying, thinking about the Man that had Fathered both of us, brought us both together, and now was gone. I just needed to not face the hurt and pain at that moment. I didn’t want to cry, and I didn’t want to say goodbye. I was having his Grandson. So, I took a Puff, and felt like I was floating on a cloud. At the Funeral the front row was dominated by my Father’s kids from a previous Marriage, and they didn’t think that we belonged up front with them. I didn’t know if he was even divorced or not; maybe not, because his family was sitting up front”. “Our big night was quite of a surprise to me; there was a secret that J.R had failed to tell me. Just one small little important detail that he left out; he was IMPOTENT!”, and he didn’t tell me until it was time to do the “Nasty”. We didn’t have sex when we were engaged, so I was looking forward to our “special night”! Everything that I tried to do, to get “it” up, nothing would work, and he still did not tell me what was going on with him, until I got pissed off; and I asked him what was going on.”