It's Not Complicated!

ALL human beings have basic needs. Basic needs are those things needed for the well-being/survival of a person. Basic needs are necessary to sustain life in human beings. When we consider the issues of males and females, we find that while the genders have similar basic physical needs, their emotional needs tend to differ. Often we see differences in the perception of men and women, thus causing them to see or to understand the same thing/issue in different ways. Consequently, men and women tend to process information in differing ways. Generally, a woman needs/wants to “feel secure”. If she feels that her husband cannot provide for her basic needs (food, shelter, clothing), there will be problems. Women NEED to feel SECURE! Ordinarily, women do not respect authority that does not provide security. Discipline and authority are not basic traits of the female gender. They (women) are receivers and more apt to submit to the authority of one who causes them to feel secure (even when that security is based on false information and involves negative, hurtful or harmful people; e.g. prostitutes, some victims of domestic violence and the like). This need for security from a “trusted” one is among the reasons I believe wives are admonished in the Word to “respect/reverence” their husbands and no emphasis is placed on her “loving” him. Females are created to positively respond in a loving way (submit) to goodness/kindness, sensitivity and security. Men/husbands, on the other hand, need “Appreciation and Attention”. Adam would not have had a problem if he had trusted what the Creator said over the rationale of his woman and taken the fruit from her. One of the things that often happens when a man leaves his wife is that he has found appreciation or attention from someone else. I am not saying that the other person’s approval is better to or for him. The other approval person may not be as strong a woman as you think you are, but somewhere she has found out how to give him the attention and show him the appreciation he needs or wants. Men and women are very much like children. Children need security and attention in order to grow and thrive; by many, these (security and appreciation) are considered basic needs. The Bible says that children who are not disciplined, are not loved. Proverbs 23:13,14 instructs that withholding discipline from a child is likely to cause his soul to go to Sheol. You direct or send children on a course of destruction when responsible discipline is not a part of their life-education, administered by mature, loving parents or responsible adults. The lack of discipline often leads to children who do not listen, are not attentive, have no self-direction, lack healthy self awareness and interdependence, and do not respect themselves nor others, especially authority. Anything that is allowed to grow or exist without any course of direction becomes wild and untamed. Note that discipline is a basic male characteristic. The bottom line is that apparently, Eve did not trust God nor her husband, Adam. When she thought about and compared what was said between the two entities (God and the serpent), her need for security said that it was to her advantage to listen to the serpent; plus, it was going to provide food for her family (rationalizing). Before we criticize this type of thinking, consider how many things you have done under the guise of “it sounds better”? It might also be safe to say that he did not feel appreciated in his role as leader because it does not seem that he stopped her, cautioned her or rebuked the serpent for being inappropriate and usurping his (the man’s) authority. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” For many, this one-flesh union is nothing more than “legal sex”. The reality is that there is much more to the one-flesh union than copulation! God has not reduced us to mere animals driven by lusts and passions. His desire is for us to establish a base of trust so that there can be the provision of security/assurance and appreciation/attention for the one He has made us be (in whole). It is easy to blame the other for not trusting or for not feeling approved of or accepted, but when the blaming has ceased, the fact still remains that these are needs that must be met at some level if there is to be unity in a marriage; a relationship. Rather than trusting God to work things out in our lives, we often create and implement our own plan(s) and end up with unstable buildings or uneven foundations. There must be a settling in the heart and mind that the answer to the serpent’s question – “Did God actually say..?” is a resounding “YES, He said it and I believe just what He said!” Foundational Truth #8 TRUST the Word of God above all else. It does not change! When considering the need for security/assurance and appreciation/attention, one might do well to understand that, as individuals, we have different levels of these needs. Not all women or men have the same degree or level of needs and they most certainly do not express these needs in the same way (if at all). …for the purposes of this writing, we will take a summary look at temperaments, with a view to expand our base of information and grow in HIM through better understanding the other and growing in relationship with them.