The Last Summer

She walked slowly into the house with a leaden heart. At least it was over. Now she could move on. She sat down in her rocking chair and watched the mist rising from the river. I've really done it now, God, haven't I. I've driven a man from his home and all that he's loved ... If I leave New Lancaster then maybe he'll stay. That's what I'll do. I'll pack everything when I leave for the Bahamas, and afterward, I'll come back to Toronto and decide what to do. Fiona can send my things when I know where I'm going. She can have all this stuff here for her next roomer. That's the least I can do. And I'll leave a letter for Doug. I owe him an explanation. Fiona can give it to him later. It took her two days to write the letter. My dearest Doug, This is the only love letter I have written to anyone. I'm glad in a way because I can give you a first. A woman my age has so few left to offer. It is the last one too, because by the time you read this, I will be in another place, and maybe another time. I say another time, darling, because I'm dying. Last spring I discovered I had ovarian cancer, and coward that I am, I left Toronto and my family to spare them the inconvenience of the dying process. And so I came to New Lancaster, the loveliest little town this side of heaven. The loveliest because it is the home of the man whom I love from the bottom of my heart. I respect you, Doug. I admire you. I believe you're the most wonderful, kindest man in the world. And you have so greatly honoured me with your love, a love that I couldn't share. I love you too much, my darling, to allow you to suffer with me through the agony that will lie ahead. I treasure every moment we've had together. I think I fell in love with you that first night you walked home with me from the beach. I'll carry those precious memories with me always, wherever I go. I found another love in New Lancaster too, my dearest. I began a journey to find God and learned He was there all the time, waiting for me to want Him. Jesus is with me now, now and forever. And when I step into eternity, He will be there to take my hand. I wish things were different. I don't want to die. But if this hadn't happened, I'd have never met you, and maybe I wouldn't have been moved to meet Jesus either. I know I've hurt you with my seeming indifference to your love. You'll never know how close I was to giving myself to you the night of the Fair. Please believe me, darling. Your grief would be far greater now if I had. You were so angry the last time I saw you. Will you forgive me for the mess I've made of your life? And don't leave New Lancaster. I'll become a memory, not a ghost. And when you're sailing some summer day, look up at the blue sky and say you love me still. And when you feel a raindrop on your cheek it's only me saying I miss you. Goodbye, Douglas James Parker. I pray that you will find the peace that passes understanding. The peace that only God can give to you as He has given it to me.