Self, Place, and Memory

“Place is the most fundamental form of embodied experience – the site of a powerful fusion of self, space, and time.” ... Casey (2009) I have come to realize the importance of place in my stories as profoundly significant. As I mindfully reflect on years past, I concur with researchers such as Casey (2009) and Basso (1996) that I have indeed been shaped by landscapes. Places that molded me remain as cornerstones and guideposts in helping me to better understand the person I am today. Story Five Memories of Garnet “Alienated we are in many ways – so lost in space and time as to be displaced from place itself – but the existence of pictorial and narrational journeys to and between places reminds us that we are not altogether without resources in our placelessness.” …Casey (2009) Place: Garnet, Ontario, Canada Story Five Photo One (Caption) Garnet United Church (reduce in size) The significance of a place can inform our memories. When I look at this photograph, I see much more than a small country church. I see joys, sorrows, and love because I hold on to these emotions through my recollection of events and interactions with the people of Garnet United Church and the serenity of the church’s location. Garnet, as I remember it, is a small farming community between the towns of Jarvis and Hagersville, in Southern Ontario. The cemetery is cradled by farms and a church. Tall trees splendidly delineate one boundary while dairy cattle can be seen grazing in surrounding fields. This place, although visible from the highway, remains peaceful and unpretentious. When I visit the cemetery, behind the church, it is as though the commotion of life just stands still for moments and those strings of moments can effortlessly flow into lengthy periods of time. As I stand beside my father’s grave, breezes gently caress my face as I share the joys and sorrows of my heart. My father held a special affection for the people of Garnet. As the minister of Garnet and Jarvis United Churches, he enjoyed the tranquility and beauty of the countryside and he appreciated the genuine and lasting friendships our family formed with people of those communities. My father even spoke of wanting to be laid to rest there and when he suddenly passed away at the age of 48, it was so. My faith allows me to connect in a powerful way to his energy and spirit at his graveside, the place where our family parted with my father’s physical body. Perhaps this connection remains strong and vivid for me because of the deep loss I felt at age 19, as I stood at his burial quietly realizing that my entire life as I had known it, had suddenly changed. My spirituality was formed in part in my early childhood and furthered in my adolescent discussions with my father where we deliberated upon where Heaven was. Here is one such example. Sherry: Where is Heaven? Dad: Heaven is where God is. Sherry: It must be beautiful there! Dad: Yes, I am sure it is. Sherry: How can God be in Heaven and with us at the same time? Dad: Because God can be everywhere. He can even be in your heart. You can just think of God and God is right with you. Sherry: You said that God is everywhere and even in your heart. Dad: That’s right! Sherry: So if God is here with us, then that must mean that Heaven is here too. Dad: What do you think? What would make you think that Heaven is here? I finally have some answers for my father’s questions to me. Heaven is here and there. Heaven is a state of mind – joyous, peaceful, and content. Heaven is the process of living our lives – our choices, actions, and mindfulness. At times I feel I touch Heaven when I feel my father’s presence and guidance in my heart. Reflective Consideration Concepts: Faith, Peace, Renewal, Spirituality Kieran Egan (1986) emphasizes that the philosophic paradigm of understanding is marked by knowledge that promises to tell the truth about complex thought. My questions about Heaven and the search for truth show my desire to delve into complex matters. There are many truths and my father’s questions to me urge me to continue to explore the subject of Heaven – he did not provide me with definitive answers, rather he raises more provocative questions. I still enjoy the magical lure and art of posing questions. The explanation of where I believe Heaven is, demonstrates that I have reached not so much an answer as I stated, but rather a comforting explanation and acceptance of my father’s physical absence and an intuitive recognition of undying love. Understandably, Garnet marks joy and sorrow, strength and resilience. Furthermore, it is clear to me that Garnet and Heaven are connected through my concepts of tranquility and spirituality. In Garnet, I often stand in silence at my father’s grave. Sheridan (1991) writes, “Yet in silence we ultimately hear the earth and ourselves, and confront the immensity of what cannot be said.” Sometimes I can become overwhelmed in my search for knowledge and understanding through journals and research studies. Fortunately, Sheridan’s reminder easily takes me back to the complexity and simplicity of searching for answers through critical reflection of my experiences and the quietness of sitting with my thoughts. Story Five Photo Two Story Five Photo Three Rose, Rob, and Sherry at Eric’s grave in Garnet Cemetery Eric’s tombstone in Garnet