JOURNEYING THROUGH THE TORRENTIAL STORM

Angela moves aside some of her wet hair that has fallen over her face as she inhales and exhales a deep breath. As tears appear in her eyes, she transparently reveals not only her fears and concerns for their future but also the source of where her confidence lies. “But, we both know that our circumstances could suddenly and dramatically change. . . .” Achingly she adds, “Often . . . I feel like we’re living on borrowed time with Kevin. . . .” With similar feelings, Roger soberly nods his head. “We need each other’s support now, and we’re going to need it even more in the future, as we both know there’s a lot of stormy weather ahead of us that we’re all going have to journey through.” With tears mingling with the light, warm rain that has just started up again at a greater intensity, Angela clasps Roger’s hands tightly as she continues. “But with God’s help and mighty power, bonding our hearts together, we will make it through any storm!” She slowly turns the key ring over and fixes her attention on the engagement picture of her and Roger that was taken exactly ten years ago today, June 23, 1978—the day Roger proposed to her. She reflects some more to herself. Roger, has it really been ten whole years since you asked me to marry you? She lets out a heavy sigh as her mind wanders back specifically to that very afternoon, when they were playing in the swimming pool, fully clothed. Like we didn’t have a care in the world back then. . . . In our wildest imaginations, did we ever dream that something like this could possibly have happened to us? Especially when life seemed . . . so simple back then? Having overheard the conversation in the sauna about the fulfillment of dreams for one’s children only accentuates the painful feelings she already has. Dwelling on it, Angela contemplates: The fulfillment of dreams is what parents long to see happen in the lives of their children. . . . One of my dreams for you, Kevin, was to see you graduate from kindergarten. It didn’t happen! I wanted to see you wear that purple graduation gown with the mortarboard and gold tassel on top of your cute blond head. As short as you were, in my eyes, you would’ve stood head and shoulders above the rest of them. Angela runs water over her face to wash away her tears. “Why is it that a person could be going through all kinds of crud and struggles in their life and when they get to church, they feel that they have to sound all churchy and nice and that life couldn’t get any better? Or . . . or if they do converse about something that has any depth to their conversation at all, they’ll get into some theological discussion or debate or they’ll want to talk about politics.” He lowers both his hands and his head and exhales heavily. “Just once—I would like to talk with another church member and tell him . . . how—I—really—am doing, and they would just—simply listen.” Angela’s eyes begin to moisten just a bit. Gosh, I wish I was that other church member, she yearns. She puts her arm around Roger and briefly rubs the back of his neck. She reflects further. Hey, I’m not just another church member; I’m also your wife. It seems like you do want to talk to someone—just why can’t it be me? Suddenly, Roger straightens up in his seat and Angela removes her hand. Almost rhetorically he asks while looking through the front windshield of their car, “Whatever happened to empathy, compassion, honesty, and transparency?” Feeling greatly disappointed, Roger looks down at the steering column. This time Angela ponders her own struggles with her head also down. Like it or not, she knows he is telling the truth. Openness is something that she herself personally has difficulty with as far as having the courage to openly communicate with others and express her feelings about how she is dealing with Kevin’s death. One of her ongoing frustrations has been not being able to find someone who has a sense of what she is going through, like another mother who has experienced the death of a child. But beyond that are her growing feelings of exasperation towards Roger, who doesn’t seem to want to openly reveal his feelings regarding Kevin’s death with her at all. Though still hoping for an intimate conversation with him regarding this matter, Angela has already learned from previous and disappointedly failed endeavors not to get her hopes up too high. Now, this is good with what he just revealed, she thinks. But how far will it go this time? Angela’s face has turned red with horror and guilt. She had known that this part of tonight’s conversation with Roger was going to be the most challenging—and she was worried whether he would still accept her after knowing what she had done. “Roger, I . . . .” She suddenly has no words to say in her defense. Roger moves from where he is and pulls his feet around so that he is sitting at the edge of the bed facing the dresser. His abrupt move reminds Angela of when he told her that he was leaving to get away from her back on the 25th of May when they had their huge fight. Filled with panic that he is going to do the same now, she swings herself around on the bed and quickly sits on the edge with him, grabbing his right hand. “Please, don’t go,” she pleads. He turns and looks at her and questions, “Huh?” Although she is still worried, she manages to say very firmly, but calmly, “I don’t want you to leave the room. Please . . . please stay with me.”