The Pink Salamander

The President turned to Brett and made a circular motion with his finger against his temple. ‘Mr Grossman,’ he said, ‘I cannot conduct negotiations like this; I believe this should be done face to face.’ The NASA director tapped him on the shoulder, ‘missiles are ready sir,’ he mouthed. The President covered the microphone with one hand, ‘blow the bastard out of the sky,’ he whispered. Brett made to object, ‘but Mr President sir, we can’t just blow it up, what about Lindy…the Japanese … the Russians, all those years of scientific experiment…?’ The President paused for a moment then popped a jelly bean in his mouth and offered one to Brett from his crumpled paper bag. Brett stared at the bag in horror and declined the offer then at the President’s face which was set in a determined grimace. ‘Do it,’ he growled, ‘It was an accident, happens all the time with the space programme, it’s a high risk business, all we have to do is cover it up. I can’t afford to have this idiot dictating to me in an election year, do you understand?’ Brett nodded dumbly and scurried away to give the order to the missile launch crew. ‘I agree with your suggestion, Mr President, we should have face to face negotiations,’ continued Albert. The President smiled knowingly, covered the telephone microphone once more with his hand and addressed Harry Fowler, ‘Get ready to terminate the bastard if he’s stupid enough to turn up,’ he said, cheerfully, ‘We’ll nail him either way.’ Alan Philby cut in frantically, ‘we can’t do that sir he’s rigged all our ICBM’s to explode in their silos if we kill him.’ There was a short pause and Albert disappeared off the screen. ‘He’s bluffing Ira, nobody can do that without my permission I’ve got the codes! He waved a dismissive hand at the objection. Ready!’ cried the President expectantly. ‘But sir you don’t understand!’ The panic stricken Philby, addressed the empty space where the President had been standing. The President suddenly re-appeared beside Albert on the space station! ‘Oh dear,’ said Albert mockingly, ‘what have I done? Did I mishear? Did you say that two of your missiles are streaking towards us as we speak? It seems we must negotiate fairly rapidly Mr. President, I estimate three minutes at most,’ he said, looking at his watch with a knowing smile.