No Sense of Humor

Cindy was sitting at the end of the bed when Bertha walked into Marty’s room. Cindy looked at her husband, and said “I see the nurse is here. I will be outside in the waiting room if you need me.” Marty was in total shock when he saw Bertha, and said to his wife “Please don’t leave me.” Cindy smiled at her husband and left, leaving her husband in the capable hands of Nurse Bertha. After hearing the door close, Bertha gave this evil and willing look at Marty, and said “So, we meet again.” as she was putting her latex gloves on, ready and very willing to examine Marty. Harry finally arrived as we were leaving the waiting room. We filled him in on the plan and discussed what we needed to do for the second phase of our plan. While we were discussing the plan in the waiting room, we observed Bertha leaving Marty’s room. The look on her face gave us only one conclusion. She looked at us with a huge smile, winked, and said “Phase One complete.” The next day, Cindy contacted us and wanted us to meet her at the hospital. She received the test results from the doctor and wanted us there for the start of phase two. We met Cindy in the waiting room and she told us the doctor was visiting Marty to give him the results of the examination. Marty was sitting upright when the doctor said “Are you ready for your results?” He shrugged his head and told the young doctor he was ready. She told him he had a condition that was rare, but treatable with a series of shots. The doctor said “You have a rare condition called Lorengingacocovitis.” Marty at first could not comprehend what the doctor had just told her, and said “What does that mean?” She filled him in on the disease and the cure. He agreed to the series of shots instead of the operation. He told himself he wanted to have more kids even though Cindy was an expectant mother. The doctor then told Marty the shots would be administered shortly, and that the orderlies and nurses would start the treatment. Cindy and I walked into Marty’s room as the doctor was leaving. Marty told us he wanted all of us in the room when the hospital staff started the treatment. He was still fearful of Bertha and knew she was going to be one of the staff members, even giving him the shots. I said “Sure pal, we’re here for you.” A few moments later, Bertha walked in with two orderlies. She carried a tray which displayed four bottles, needles, white gauze and tape. Bertha set the tray on the portable table and wheeled it in front of Marty’s bed. The two orderlies positioned themselves on each side of Marty. We stood near the corner of the room waiting patiently for Bertha to start. Bertha then took two steel clamps and attached them to the end of the bed by Marty’s feet. She instructed Marty to raise his good leg and place his foot in the clamp. The orderlies took his other leg, the broken one, and gently placed it on the remaining clamp, tying both in place and returned to Marty’s side. Nurse Bertha then grabbed the first needle and as she prepared the shot, she said to Marty “If this medication works, then your manhood will grow to full length instantly.” It was so hard for me not to laugh as I was forced to turn my head away. After all, it did remind us of the prank Cindy played on her husband with the glow in the dark toilet paper, when his butt cheeks were high in the air, glowing in the dark. Bertha then injected the shots into Marty’s butt, two on each side of his butt cheeks. She said “We should know in a few moments.” Anticipation of those results was agonizing for all of us. It took only five minutes before Bertha shouted “Oh no, the medication didn’t work.” She then asked Marty if his butt felt numb. As he said yes, Bertha turned to Cindy and said “This is not good. No growth and the area around his groin is bright red.” She quickly summoned the doctor as to pretend there was an emergency. The doctor came into the room, looked at Marty’s groin area, and said “This is worse than I thought. We need to get you into surgery right away.” Cindy rushed to her husband’s side as Marty was stunned to hear the news about the surgery. Just then, the doctor sat in a chair next to Marty’s bed and broke out in an uncontrollable laughter. The rest of us laughed just as hard and loud. Even Bertha showed her side of humor. Once the orderlies removed the clamps, Cindy told her husband about the prank. The shots Bertha gave Marty were filled with small doses of nova cane that she had borrowed from the dental facility. “Lorengingacocovitis” was the name the doctor used to describe Marty’s condition. At one point, she even told Marty that it was a device used to remove warts. When Marty finished telling us how he got his broken leg, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a card. He said he got the card in the mail and it was written by Bertha. The card read “Thanks for the memories. Enjoy this little gift.” Marty then showed us the gift Bertha sent him. It was a purple scarf, to be used for his manhood on those cold, winter evenings. We told Marty it could have been worse. Rick said to Marty “Yeah, we could have taken a photo and posted it to your Facebook page.” Little did Marty know that Ralph did indeed take a photo. I am sure he saved that photo for a rainy day. Marty took one final glance at his cards, and said to himself “I wonder if Bertha got her gift.” When Marty received his gift from Bertha, he could not resist the temptation. He returned the favor and sent Bertha a warm gift, one that she will remember on her long flight back to the Soviet Union. Marty sent a Strip-O-Gram to the hospital and requested the stripper be the same person who had given Harriett and Susan their lap dances.