The Accidental Bank Heist

Chapter One Finders Keepers! SUNDAY EVENING ……A creature of habit, Jeanette stuffs the bank bag behind the trash cans and continues her walk around the lake. October is nippy in the evening, the heavenly fragrance of Plumeria, Eucalyptus, and Pine permeate the night air as she moves briskly along on the inside perimeter of the complex. Lake of the Woods is very safe; however, she carries her pepper spray and a little pink Swiss army knife just in case. She has never seen anything wilder than a two-legged wolf with a dog on a leash. She walks along her regular route for forty minutes. When she returns home to ‘Dolce Villetta’ all is quiet. Claude is sound asleep and the big house is in darkness except for the small answering machine flashing light. The message plays back a booming voice, “Officer Bruce Tucker, Lake of the Woods police. Mrs. Pierre, your bank was robbed, please return my call immediately.” His gruff voice and demanding tone sends shivers up her spine. This is the part she fears most, the robbery part. She has been in many robberies, so far, no one has been hurt. Every time she vows to quit this ridiculously dangerous job, but, then just like earthquakes, time passes and one forgets. What to do! She retrieves the bag, hides it in a garage cabinet behind the Christmas decorations and slips back into the dark house. With trembling hands, she fills the teakettle; thoughts ricocheting through her brain like a hundred tiny pinballs. Think Jeanette, you must have a story. Why talk to the cops tonight? Better to be cool and collected and wait until morning. They will follow procedure, the police will pull the call list and Willy is first up. What could I add to the dilemma? Willy will call Margaret, bank auditors will cash count, by now the place is swarming with bankers and they don’t need me! Besides, I need time to sort out my thoughts. The kettle whistles as she absently places a tea bag in her favorite china cup. Claude didn’t hear the phone or just didn’t answer…he often does that. She cuddles down in her leopard lounge chair, story, hum, where was I tonight? Let’s see, I came in from my walk, didn’t notice the message on the phone…and…the telephone jangles….it’s Willy Ann. Damn. Don’t answer Jeanette. I can’t go to the bank right now they will have a million questions. Hell, I have a million questions! How did they get into the vault? There’s a time lock, maybe they got in before the girls locked up on Saturday. No, they wouldn’t have waited until Sunday night to tell me! Maybe they forced one of the employees to stay….one person can’t open the vault…but if it was never closed…. Maybe they kept Margaret and Willy, perhaps the vault was never locked…no, it would need to be locked by seven o’clock or the alarm would ring. Perhaps they got in and out before …no…damn, I wish I knew what happened. How could they rob the bank on Sunday? I wonder if anybody got hurt, stop it Jeanette, speculation is a waste of time! I shouldn’t be here, what if Willy comes by? I better go to the market, that’s it. Do we need milk? Plenty of milk, but I need cottage cheese, bran muffins…Tylenol PM. The market is almost empty at this time of night; I’ll pick up a few things and drive by the bank. Dear Lord, the bank is lit up like a Christmas tree, cops everywhere…I better go home. What the Hell are you doing Jeanette? I must take that money to the bank in the morning. If I do, what will I tell them? I found a bag of money. Where did you find it? How did you find it? What did you see? Why didn’t you call us immediately? Were you planning to keep it? The F.B.I. will interrogate me and I will crack like an egg! I should put it back where I found it, this is crazy. No, why should I? I’m sure nobody saw me…..all that money……I’ll just go home and have a strong gin and tonic and cuddle with Cleopatra on my chaise. I’m in the thick of it now. It’s time to Plot and Plan! Cleo greets her as she enters the kitchen. She puts the groceries away then rubs the purring cats ears, “Yes, my black as sin darling. You are my gorgeous furry secret keeper and do I have a whopper for you tonight.” ***************** It was stuffy inside his bungalow so he opened the back screen door. Channel surfing he found commercials, a few soaps and the local news concentrating on the weather. What a gig, how often did the damn weather change in this town! Too soon for robbery news, it would take those morons hours to figure out the bank was robbed on a Sunday! He pulled a bottle of Jack Daniels from his bar cabinet and lit up his crack pipe. Kicking off his shoes, he curled up on the sofa with plans to get very high. By the time the gray dawn crept through the blinds, he was not just high he was paranoid beyond reason. Jackie Collins had it all figured it out.