The Pit In My Cherry

From my carefree days growing up in a loving family, experiencing; ice skating, YMCA, summer camps, scuba diving, volunteer work with Danny Thomas's "St. Jude Children's Research Hospital" to high school dances and graduation. Enjoying growing up, dating and getting married only to have my world turned upside down by marring a man I loved and being stuck in an abusive marriage. Thinking I could make it stop if I learned what he wanted me to do, proved impossible. From the sexual abuse to watching him abuse our beautiful children was a nightmare I couldn't wake up from. Wishing I was dead felt like the only way to stop the constant abuse. Living daily with the stress of fearing what he was going to do. The explosive outbursts for no reason which escalated to physical abuse I could no longer endure. With the realization that we had to escape the abusive life, but scared and unsure as to how. The inner strength I got from watching Farah Faucet in the movie "The Burning Bed", I believe truly saved us. From the church directing me where to call for help, to the police station showing us the way to the shelter, to the wonderful help and guidance we received at The House of Ruth. I Received long lasting lessons that were taught there that helped forge our path to a better life. Fearful of the unknown and how we would survive financially scared me, but staying and living with the abuse I knew would kill me. There was only one choice, escape. From the many court dates, visitation struggles which lasted four years, finally led us to a court judgment that not only gave us freedom from ever having to see or deal with our abuser ever again, it became a landmark case in the court due to not allowing the father to have any rights to the children, due to the abuse. Because our attorney and the judge listened to the children, read the abusive reports and realized the need to strip the father of any rights, they did what was right for us. The blessing of finding a place of our own to rent was an amazing lift up as we moved forward to get away from the abuse and settle into a whole new way of life, a life the children had never known before. Watching them learn to live without fear of him and the abuse and begin to just enjoy being a child and doing what children should be allowed to do as they grow up, was a wonderful experience to watch. Flourishing together as we began our new start in life. Yes, there were ups and downs, especially until after the divorce and child custody was over, then we were able to finally start putting everything behind us. That moment when it was over, and my mind realized it, was the most free feeling that I have ever felt. To know he couldn't come around us, where we lived, the kids school or have any involvement but to send a card or present to the children at Christmas or their birthdays was wonderful. All the guidance and support from everyone along the path, I truly believe they were all angels helping to protect us. I know we all walk different paths in life, but no one deserves to walk a path of abuse with anyone. That is why I have researched and included information on relationships and how to really learn about someone before committing to a relationship with them. Learning how to recognize red flags is very important to avoid the pitfalls of being with an abusive person. The necessity to give yourself time to recover from having been in a bad relationship is very important to healing and being able to move past the hurt and pain you endured. Taking that pain and hurt into a new relationship will most likely cause that relationship to fail. You deserve time to heal and enjoy your new life. Enjoying the freedom to find yourself again, enjoying the happiness of not fearing every move you make, is a joyous one. Especially, if you have children and they are living in fear and abuse also. Growing up around an abuser they can learn to become an abuser themselves or select someone who is an abuser subconsciously in relationships. Watching that cycle continue in your children's lives is heart breaking and can totally ruin their life, their children's lives, etc.., it is a cycle that needs to be broken. While writing this book I began to realize more and more how important it is to get this message out. Just during the time I wrote this book more than twenty women's lives made headlines in the local news as their bodies were found after they were murdered by their husband or boyfriend. There were families who were murdered because of their child's involvement with an abusive man who killed the whole family along with his wife or girlfriend. A breaking news headline where co-workers and customers were murdered along with a man's wife as he opened fire on everyone inside the business where his wife worked, over a child custody battle during their divorce. Headlines of killing children out of spite or revenge by an abusive husband or boyfriend. This is awful and no one, absolutely no one, should accept any abusive person to even get close enough to be considered a friend, much less a spouse or father of innocent children. If we all sorted the abusive people out and had nothing to do with them, maybe then they would then want to get help so people would want them around again. Stopping abuse would open a whole new world of happiness for everyone, even the abuser. I hope this book touches your life and inspires all who read it, and even more, saves lives. This book was written for you and all innocent children being abused.