Honesty With God

Partial commitment will not lead us very far on our spiritual journey. What can jump-start us into a serious spiritual pilgrimage? First, we can open the eyes of our heart to see the added suffering that our waywardness brings to Jesus who has already suffered enough. Second, we can draw near to those who are serious Christian pilgrims, and be inspired and awakened by the qualities in their lives. Third, we can ask God to get us out of the rut traveled by so many other Christians and blast us into another orbit—traveling a road less traveled.

When we take our pilgrimage within we will get an honest look at the brokenness within us. Arrogance results when we resist the pilgrimage within. I resisted the pilgrimage within for a long time, fearing that my self-esteem would be destroyed by the revelations hiding there. But, the only way that I could discover and deal with inner issues was to venture within and look at them. Yes, I was brought low, but my self-esteem was not destroyed. In fact, it has been elevated and the air of superiority with which I surrounded myself has melted. I recommend the journey within to all who have a relationship with Jesus and a supporting community of caring people to hold them by the hand and support them in their venture within.

A critical attitude is a good indication that we have not traveled far upon our pilgrimage within. The journey within takes all the puff and brag out of us. Those characteristics are replaced by another spirit. It is the spirit of acceptance, which embraces every human being as a brother or sister. If we keep the door to our inner life shut and locked, it is because we are afraid to see what resides there. Such fear about our being prompts us to pull others down so we will not look so bad in our own eyes. Do we want to be such persons? Of course not! As frightening and distasteful as it appears, we have no viable alternative but to venture within. Our reward is not only a cure for arrogance, but we are rewarded with self-acceptance that allows us to give life instead of taking it.

What will motivate us to take such drastic steps? The book of James says, “Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy. Then when you realize your worthlessness before the Lord, he will lift you up, encourage and help you, (James 4:9-10).” In moments of deep reflection, I sense that greatness resides within me. Then that sense fades and another sense moves across the screen of my mind. It is a sense of brokenness and distortion. Which is the real me? Both! It is crucial that we enter into a pilgrimage that results in discovery of both our brokenness and our greatness where healing and awakening can occur. Herman Melville, in his novel, Moby Dick, writes:

“...And there is a Catskill eagle in some souls that can alike dive down into the blackest gorges, and soar out of them again and become invisible in the sunny spaces. And even if he for ever flies within the gorge, that gorge is in the mountains; so that even in his lowest swoop the mountain eagle is still higher than other birds upon the plain, even though they soar.”

God rejoices in the carefully examined life. In God’s eyes, when we moan as we dive into the darkest gorges of our lives, we are soaring with Catskill eagles. In God’s eyes, when we revel as we become invisible in sunny spaces, we are likewise, soaring with Catskill eagles. We can almost hear God shouting, “attaboy” or “attagirl”.

Suffering is our friend and it can bring us to the position described above. I cannot think of any strong Christians who have not been through suffering. It was the love of God for Adam and Eve that prompted Him to remove them from a comfortable place and put them in a difficult world after their fall. Suffering is the forge in which the metal of our character is hammered into stronger steel. Yet, it does not strengthen all. Why? The attitude that we take toward suffering is the pivotal point that determines what suffering does for us. We should be glad when suffering comes our way. However, we do not always receive it so freely. But, we can remain true to our faith that God is our friend and on our side. Such acceptance of suffering always ends in strengthening our godly character. My friend and mentor, Nat Tracy, would say, “It was the north winds that made the Vikings.”

The self-centered kind of life does not handle suffering well, for those caught by such life will wallow in resentment of anything that robs them of comfort and self-satisfaction. Their self-pity will diminish them and cause them to shrink in stature.

Some feel victimized by God’s decision to place them in a world that is like a hot furnace. We are not victims—we are privileged, for we have been offered the opportunity to partner with deity. The same kind of life that God prefers potentially resides in us. If we choose His kind of life, then suffering helps us to internalize and awaken the character that God has placed within us. In all fairness to God, we need to remember that God has chosen to place Himself in the furnace with us. And He has taken upon Himself a double portion of those sufferings that we are to partake of.