a journey to contentment

Maintenance of ships is important for the safety and life of the vessel. The maintenance activity, or dry dock, includes working on the interior, exterior and machinery of the ship. How’s your time in dry dock, or recovery, going? Are you tired of being worked on? Do you just wish you could get on with your journey and leave the pain behind?

First, we don't go around or over or under the pain. We must go through it. The journey to healing and wholeness is a transformational journey because we are changed in the process. Therefore the goal is not to be on your way again or get back to the way you were. The goal is to grow and come out of “dry dock” better than you were before. It’s been said, “Trials can make you better or they can make you bitter.” It depends on how you handle your decisions, thoughts and pain.

If you try to ignore or refuse to face the pain, that bitterness and offense will affect your body, soul and relationships.

“See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” Hebrews 12:15

I’ve learned that not everyone comes out of “dry dock” or recovers at the same rate of speed. Don’t compare yourself with anyone else. You are special and unique! God made you that way. Trust in Him to carry you through each stage of maintenance.

Part of the time in “dry dock” will include repenting of your mistakes in the marriage. Trust Him to forgive you. Remember you have and you will make mistakes but God loves you. He will use everything you have gone through for good – so you will be whole and become more like Jesus.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.” Romans 8:28 – 29

There will be many a tear, but I found tears are “God’s way of washing away the poison”. The ability to shed tears, to weep, seems to be a uniquely human response to pain. Tears cleanse and heal. Don’t be afraid to cry and show your emotions. God cares about your pain and tears. Notice what Psalm 56:8 says in the New Living Translation Bible:

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”

Your tears are so precious to God that He collects them in a bottle and records each one in His book. No matter what phase of “dry dock” I went through, I could see healing and growth taking place in my life.

I went through a phase of getting back in the “singles” lane again. I married when I was barely nineteen years old so it had been a long time since I was single. I was out of practice but during this phase I grew as I ventured out to meet new people.

I went through a phase of feeling the need of a relationship when my former husband had a new woman in his life. I am so glad God protected me from getting married too quickly. Too many of my friends married before they really knew the individual or before both of them had been healed from their previous marriages. Therefore, the baggage from the previous experiences was carried into the new relationship, and in most cases, things did not go too smoothly.

Unfortunately some of the groups I visited, the men and women encouraged infidelity. Only they didn’t call it infidelity, they called it “helping each other get through tough times” and “enjoying meeting each other’s normal, physical need”.

After a man would “wine and dine” a woman a few times, they felt they were entitled to some “payback” or sexual favors. The women were just as aggressive as the men in seeking a “good time”. They rationalized their behavior because “everyone was doing it”.

God understands our weakness and He will forgive us, however, He expects us to still obey Him and His Word. The Bible teaches us to run from sexual immorality which is sex outside of marriage.

“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people.” Ephesians 5:3

Sexual immorality is sin and has many painful consequences like guilt, shame and possibly disease.

“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.” 1 Corinthians 6:18

Sex creates a bond, regardless of how casually it is entered into, and therefore can cause problems in a future marriage.

“Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute [or anyone other than his wife] is one with her in body? For it is said, ‘The two will become one flesh.’” 1 Corinthians 6:16

Be strong and don’t submit to sexual sin. However, if you have, STOP it now, ask God to forgive you and remember you belong to Jesus.

“Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” 1 Corinthians 6:19 – 20

I am glad for the phases I went through and how they helped me grow but I am certainly happy not to go through any of them again.