FAREWELL, MY FREE BIRD

Chapter One NO ONE DARES TO DIE BEFORE HIS TIME “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me.” (Psalm 23:4) Afternoon, April 28, 1987: “This is Detective Burns from the San Francisco Police Department. May I ask who I’m talking to?” “This is Carol Noe.” “Do you have a daughter, Angela?” “Yes, I do.” Angela lived with her friends in Oakland, California. This wouldn’t be the first time a call from a police department had jolted and unnerved me. I wondered what kind of trouble Angela was in now. Anything I imagined could not have been as devastating as what he told me next. “We have a homicide. We’ve fingerprinted the victim and she’s been identified as your daughter, Angela Noe.” Angela? Victim? Homicide? No, this couldn’t be true! Angela had been home only two weeks before on her nineteenth 2 Carol Noe birthday. I had just talked with her on the phone a few days before. “How can you be sure it’s her?” I asked. This had to be a horrible mistake. “Your daughter came in as ‘Jane Doe’ yesterday. She was fingerprinted and identified as Angela Noe. She’s 5'9", brown hair, blue eyes, and has an appendix scar on her stomach.” A cold chill washed over me. Angela was four years old when we first admitted her to the hospital with ruptured appendicitis. But, a lot of girls have appendix scars. The detective continued, “She has a tattoo on her left shoulder that says ‘Free Bird.’” My safe denial was smashed to pieces. As a young teenager Angela came home one day and proudly showed me her tattoo. To her it was a mark of freedom and independence. She told me, “Mom, I want to be like a free bird!” Stunned and shaking, I listened as the detective continued. “Your daughter has multiple gunshot and stab wounds. A man was walking his dog at the Lincoln Park Golf Course early yesterday morning and found her body.” My mind couldn’t process any more. I wanted him to stop talking. Different thoughts fought for my attention. One screamed she’s dead! The other pleaded No, please this can’t be true. But, this was a nightmare come true. I was numb when I hung up the phone. A hand rested on my shoulder. It was my thirteen year old son, Jason. He saw my tears and had heard enough of the conversation to know something was wrong. I looked into his questioning young face. How could I say these crushing words to him, words that were foreign to me? “Mom? What happened?” As tenderly as I could, I told my son that his sister was dead. Farewell, My Free Bird 3 “Angela?” I watched him as he tried to comprehend what he had heard. We both were in shock and disbelief. There were no more words to say. We could only hold each other and cry. I had to let Keith know. My husband was a Los Angeles motorcycle police officer and hard to reach by phone. I called Su, my pastor’s wife and my close friend. “Su, Angela’s been murdered! I need you to call Keith at work and tell him to call home.” “Oh Carol! I’ll call Keith. Shawn and I will be there as soon as we can.” Within minutes, I met Su and Shawn at the door. I wept in their arms as I told them what happened. Just then the phone rang. It was Keith calling from the police station. “Carol, they said it was an emergency. What’s going on?” The words wouldn’t come. “Carol, what’s wrong?” “It’s Angela. She’s been murdered.” “Oh, God! No! I’m leaving for home right now.” “Please be careful.” Shawn and Jason left to get our seventeen-year old son, Travis, from work. He had just left the house minutes before the phone call from the detective. Our twenty-one year old son, Carl, was a marine who was stationed in Yuma, Arizona. I wished I could have held him and comforted him when I spoke those devastating words to him on the phone. “Carl, Angela’s dead. She’s been murdered.” There was silence. Then he spoke. “Mom, I’ll get permission to come home. I’ll be there as soon as I can. My motorcycle is running good and . . .” 4 Carol Noe “Carl, get an airplane flight. We’ll arrange for you to be picked up at the airport.” It was so important to me that everyone remain safe. Then the front door opened. It was Keith and a fellow police officer who had driven him home. Keith came toward me. We held each other trying to comprehend what had happened and draw strength from each other in the midst of the confusion and the pain we were feeling. Soon the house was filled with family and friends. Keith called the San Francisco Police Department to get more information and talked to Detective Burns. Yes, Angela had been murdered. Yes, she had been shot and stabbed. Yes, she was dead. Later that night when everyone had left and we were alone with our three sons, we joined hands and asked God for His grace and strength to be able to face what was ahead. Painfully aware that Angela was missing, Keith spoke what we were all thinking. “From now on, it’s just the five of us.” Our little girl was really gone. It seems today that no one cares for really living, No one dares to die before his time to go. Though no one cares just when his time to go will be, Or where it finds him, He knows that death will strike or hit, Sometimes when he least expects. Angela, FREE BIRD (Poems written by Angela from her ‘Book of Poems’) Farewell, My Free Bird is a mother’s story of her daughter, Angela, and her life that was filled with turmoil before she was brutally murdered. However, it is not only a story of tragedy and loss. More importantly, it is a story of forgiveness: forgiveness made possible only by God’s faithfulness to Angela and her family. It is a testimony of how God can bring freedom for the captives; how He can heal the broken-hearted; and how He brings new life out of death. It is natural to wonder, Is God real? Does He answer prayer? Can He be trusted? Does He care about each of us and what we’re going through? All these questions are answered with a resounding “Yes!” in the pages of Farewell, My Free Bird.