Shine While You Dine

Chapter 2

Why It Matters

There are a number of reasons appropriate behavior matters. One reason is that appropriate behavior eliminates distractions, distractions caused by inappropriate behavior. When someone tailgates us while driving, speaks on their cell phone at a movie theatre, or walks in front of our putting line on the golf course, we notice. 

Think about it. Try to recall a time when someone behaved poorly in your presence. You were aware of the inappropriate behavior, so much so that you remember it now. Chances are you also remember the individual, who behaved so poorly. You might even be able to picture that person in your head right now. Consider this example.

Some years ago, I was flying to a speaking engagement at a national conference. As I boarded the commuter jet, I was overwhelmed with the odor of pepperoni and onion. One of the passengers had brought a full-size pizza pie on the plane. She looked to be a businessperson and was seated across the aisle and two rows behind me. I saw that the passenger seated next to her, who did not seem to be traveling with her, had lost the use of her tray table. The pizza box was that big. During the flight, I could hear her noisily enjoying a slice or two. I did not hear her offer any to her neighbor. When the plane landed and we arrived at our gate, after a thankfully short flight, the bell rang, signaling that we were free to exit our seats. She stood up immediately and rushed to the front of the plane, ahead of all other passengers, including me. During this exodus, she used the pizza box to block the aisle from all who thought of exiting their seat. She was nine rows back, yet departed first. I can still see her face clearly in my head, and will remember her and her poor behavior forever, as will most of the passengers on that flight.

I know this to be true because this bad behavior had major repercussions. This woman had not understood the second reason why appropriate behavior matters, which is that your organization is judged by your behavior. This is a somewhat subtle point at times because we don’t always appreciate when we might be representing our organization. Certainly, this businessperson did not. 

As mentioned, I was flying to speak at a national convention. This person was flying to the same convention. She was a vendor at the convention’s trade show. Sadly, her inappropriate behavior on the plane led to an unsuccessful trip. Attendance at her booth was light. She appeared bewildered as to why this was, for she presented a polished persona at the convention. I knew why. Not only had I been on the plane, I overheard the hushed conversations about her pizza faux pas that occurred on the convention floor. She had not realized she was representing her organization on the plane, as well as on the convention floor.

Both of the above reasons are relatively subtle, which does not belittle their importance. Still, some may think, “that’s not a good enough reason for me to worry about business dining etiquette.” If so, continue reading.

The most obvious, and for many the most important, reason that appropriate behavior matters is that you are judged by your behavior. “But,” skeptics might ask, “to what degree?” The quick answer is, “to a higher degree than you ever imagined.”

Consider this: oft-quoted research suggests that as much as 85% of your career success may be a result of your interpersonal skills. “Why is that?” you continue to ask. “Because interpersonal skills determine your ability to present yourself and your ideas effectively to people,” I patiently answer. Professionals have understood this fact for at least 5,000 years. We know this because of a man named Ptahhotep.

Ptahhotep lived around 3,000 BC and was an assistant to a high priest in ancient Egypt. His tomb contains what may be the oldest written (in hieroglyphics) business etiquette guideline. The guideline says, “When sitting with your superiors, laugh when they laugh.”  This is still good advice, although we would amend it a bit, by adding, “Unless it is politically incorrect or inappropriate to the situation.” 

            This seemingly innocuous piece of advice reveals the subtle power of appropriate behavior. Our behavior may communicate more than we think it does. Laughing when your superior laughs may suggest that you can see things from their perspective, which is a quality most superiors appreciate.