I am Lifted

Struggle

For better or worse, my world is as I created it.

My mind was restless as I tried to settle into my morning meditation. It took me to boots (what?), cars (why?), people (dead), people (alive), animals (huh?)—just anything to prevent me from connecting with the Holy Spirit and enjoying the blessed communion. I had set my mental clock; there was not much time for meditation. I had tightly planned my day. At one point feeling the frustration of being unable to rise above thought and hearing the clock ticking in my ears, I decided to give up. It was then that I realized that my mind was playing a good game of detour with me and was about to win. So, I called my mind out. I am tired of the fear that you create in me that keeps me from my perfect union with God. I am tired of you telling me that I am sick and feeding my body with pain. I am tired of you limiting my life and keeping me from the greatness in God that HE has appointed for me. I am sick and tired of you creating pictures of scarcity in my life. I want the health that Christ wants me to have. I want the abundance that HE came to provide. I want the fullness of life that God made for me. As I railed against my ego, I could feel myself being drawn closer to the Holy Spirit. Then, I was quiet. In the quiet, I came to the awareness that all of the things I want are mine. I need only to claim them. OH—OH—OH---OOOOOOH, what a thought! It is not just a thought, it is a reality.

I ended my meditation feeling strong and empowered and headed out for my bicycle ride. As I rode my bike, revelation after revelation came to me. I have surrendered so many pieces of my life to my mind. For example, I have surrendered my energy. For years, I have been living with low energy. A little voice within me has long signaled that there was incongruence in my life. My energy level should have been greater. Ignoring the voice, I attributed the lack of energy to my disease of the moment, whichever one was more prominent at the time. Thyroidism, lupus—it did not matter. I also noted that there are times when my energy level is high—when I am working with people, teaching, counseling. What made the difference? I discovered that when I did purposeful work my energy and enthusiasm are so high that even my mind could not fool me.

Trying another tactic, my ego told me, “You must be powerful beyond measure.”

My spirit was quick to respond and straighten me out, “God is powerful beyond measure.—Do not be afraid you have a journey to take.”

I was then reminded of something a pastor told me after I had completed a six years of guardianship over my friend and former pastor. “Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things that God hath prepared for them that love Him.” (1 Corinthians 2:9).

I love Him. I am encouraged.

Once again I find myself embattled. The struggle is totally internal. My energy is low. I am harried by hot flash after hot flash. They drain my energy and enthusiasm. (They make me sick! Literally.) I am uneasy, anxious and in spiritual warfare. My body aches which is an indication that I am losing this skirmish. I am tired and feel disconnected from my goals. Writing is difficult. I am stymied in the development of my business.

I am struggling; yet, I know the solution. I know where the power to prevail lies. Somehow, at this moment, I feel myself unable to access it; nonetheless, I know I will access it. I am trying to learn the lesson in this low place. I remain steadfast in my conviction that nothing shall separate me from the love of God. (Romans 8:35-39). I shall prevail. I am in God; God is in me. There is no failure—just growth and progression toward perfection.

The Lesson:

I will not be discouraged when I feel as though forces push back against my vision and the progress I have made toward it. It is an experience I must have in order to deepen my commitment to access the power that God has given me. I rest assured that his plan is sure and it will be accomplished. I know that my perception is not His reality. I rely on God to demonstrate that I am free and exalted. Everything I need is right here, right now as long as I remain in contact with his voice.

The night season comes because we lack the diligence to maintain the light. Yet, the light is always there. We, however, in our deluded ponderings, focus on worldly things and draw the curtains of night close in around us as though it were a shroud. As we banish the thoughts of scarcity, jealousy and pride, the light rays of goodness and peace will once again shine upon us. As rays shine, the night will steal away. We will be able to discern our way once again.