AmoRe Therapy

AmoRe family and couples therapy is a clinical intervention designed for the specific needs of Hispanic families and couples. The issues of diversity are addressed by covering values in the treatment model that are relevant and specific to Hispanics, such as the importance of family and Christian-Catholic religious beliefs that are socialization processes often prioritized in the Hispanic community. Using Biblical concepts of marriage, this modality speak straight to the basic, emotional needs of love and respect within a spiritual context that allows for greater safety and security in relationships to God and within the couples and families.

I also propose that healing past traumatic experiences is vital for the treatment of domestic violence. According to the AmoRe therapy model, antisocial behavior such as domestic violence and child abuse cannot be attributed to a single cause as different cognitive and emotional processes influence people as they mature. The etiology of the emotional processes is seen through the lenses of AmoRe therapy, and the intergenerational transmission of antisocial behaviors (e.g., cognitive processes) that are at the core of domestic violence are seen through the lenses of social-learning theory.

I believe that we cannot separate the mental health of children from the mental health of their parents, and that to raise healthy children, we need to improve the mental health of their parents by healing their emotional wounds. This urge to resolve emotional trauma grew out of witnessing how the parents, who as children were physically and emotionally abused or witnessed domestic violence and/or parental alcohol abuse, were drawn together like magnets in marriage. These adults reenacted those patterns of abuse in their families or completely removed themselves from that abuse in ways that inhibited their capabilities to relate to their spouses or children for fear of reenacting those abusive behaviors.

AmoRe therapy believes that hurting and broken parents can’t nurture, care for, and protect their children any more than wounded soldiers can perform their duty of protecting their countries. Both broken parents and wounded soldiers have a strong desire to fulfill their duties and the potential to do it; however, they are incapable of performing those tasks until healing occurs. In the same way that it would be inconsiderate and dangerous to tell the soldier to be strong and deal with his or her wound courageously, it would be inconsiderate and dangerous for children if therapists didn’t prioritize healing parents’ emotional wounds before they could expect them to fulfill their role of protecting their children. Thus it is important that a therapist abstains from working with symptoms that are only superficial manifestations of deep, emotional wounds, and instead encourages the exploration of the sources of emotional pain.

AmoRe therapy uses a metaphor of a house to illustrate how important each member of a family is to the health of the whole. Each parent is a structural component of the house and plays a significant role in keeping it sturdy. Broken structural components need repairs before they can function properly. AmoRe therapy involves everyone in the family, but it begins with the parents. The father is seen as the roof of the home and the mother as its foundation. The therapist’s role is that of an engineer who closely follows the plans of the master builder. The goal of this therapy is to repair the cracks in the foundation and the leaks in the roof so that the home is safe and secure. Among the emotional tools used to fill cracks and repair leaks are forgiveness, hope, love, and respect.

In a nutshell, AmoRe therapy combines a systemic perspective with the framework of individual psychology. Pain and brokenness is seen from the lens of individual psychology, but healing comes from a systemic perspective that recognizes that humans were not created to live independently from others, but that we have innate emotional, spiritual, and physicals needs that need to be met by parents. Through working with the parents to heal from their past traumatic events and take up their proper roles in the relationship, a stable home is provided for them and their children.

Many people have attempted to describe love over the ages, yet the only definition that I feel encompasses all that it symbolizes is found in 1 Corinthians 13:4–­8:

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

This is what an AmoRe therapist should hope to bring to a family through counseling and use as a guide for the spouses as they learn how to show each other true love and respect.

AmoRe therapy does not function on the basis of traditional Hispanic, sex-role stereotypes, but uses those well-known stereotypes as a bridge to make changes. For example, every Hispanic man I worked was familiar with Ephesians 5:24 that reads, “As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.” I acknowledge that passage and follow that with this comment, “You are so right; the Bible does tell women to respect their husbands, but right after that it commands the husband to love his wife” (Ephesians 5:25-30). By taking this path of cultural understanding, the therapist avoids resistance and facilitates the client’s move toward positive behavioral change more smoothly, namely, loving his wife better. I will usually then ask a question about leadership, which is a core, male H