Largely autobiographical, this is a book about an unusual life. It begins and ends with Luke, the author's son, adopted in Brazil in 1976. It addresses the distressing process of sub-fertility and the difficult and frustrating process of adoption in the UK and follows the author's journey to Brazil and the subsequent and distinctly illegal adoption of her son Luke. It covers the instant motherhood experienced by the adoptive parent and the touching moment of bonding with the baby. It then goes back in time and traces the author's working-class background and growing up in South East London during the war and evacuation. The subsequent breakdown of her marriage to her French husband, coping with single parenthood, alcoholism and the re-shaping of her life constitutes a major part of this book. In 1982, whilst living on a houseboat on the Thames with her son Luke, she followed a full-time Bachelor of Arts degree at Kingston Polytechnic. Island life on a houseboat at Hampton Court is fully explored and it was during these years that she met her current partner, professional musician Tony Bell. In 1998, they retired from London and led an idyllic life in the South of France until 2002 when she discovered a lump in her right breast. Eight years later following radiotherapy, surgery and anti-cancer medication, she is apparently cured. The final part of this book is 'Luke's story'; how he coped with the knowledge that he was an adopted third-world child, the breakdown of his parent's marriage and their subsequent divorce and his mother's cancer.
Not For The Likes Of Us
The Story Of Luke's Adoption And Then Some
by
Book Cover & Preview Text
We adopted a Brazilian baby in 1976 because it had become obvious that we had no chance within the system in England. The 'swinging sixties', with the advent of the contraceptive pill and a relaxing of attitudes towards single motherhood, had substantially reduced the number of babies available for adoption and, thus, the adoption vetting process became more severe but not necessarily less liable to make mistakes.
I had always wanted to have children, indeed I had never imagined myself without them. However, in the early 60s when most young women of my generation were busy looking for engagement rings, I had sought the bohemia of my life and gone to Paris and lived with a French family as their Au Pair. This was something quite outrageous and unusual for a working-class girl and my mother came out with her two most favourite expressions, “what'll the neighbors think and what'll the family think?” However, I was twenty-six and had not been offered one engagement ring and I took off to Paris for some fun. Paris in the 60s was paradise. Always having been a fan of God's own music, namely jazz, I found my utopia in the jazz clubs of the Left Bank. The literature of the day was predominantly that of Jean-Paul Sartre, Simone de Beauvoir and Françoise Sagan. Students, usually with both hair and loosely-knit sweaters down to the knees, talked endlessly about existentialism and tried to fathom out what it meant.
Paris, at that time, was less sophisticated than London, its renaissance after the Second World War only just beginning. Nevertheless, it was 'swinging' and, for me, the most beautiful city in the world. So it was that I forgot about my body clock ticking away in my late twenties and I did not marry until 1968 when I was almost thirty-three. It was in 1962 that I met a handsome Frenchman, Olivier Durand, in a Left Bank jazz club and we eventually married.
Although Olivier was a very competent jazz musician playing both guitar and clarinet, he was certainly no existentialist and he had never had hair or sweater down to his knees. In fact, his background was of the French landed gentry whose antecedents had barely escaped the guillotine in 1789; a far cry from my own very working-class origins. He was certainly not expected to marry a docker's daughter.
In 1966 Olivier, by profession an electronics engineer, was offered a job with an American company with an agency in London and we left Paris. I wasn't too happy about leaving since, by that time, I had a working-permit and a very nice job in a pipeline construction company just outside of Paris. However, I loved him, he was my man and I had vowed to follow him to the ends of the earth. I still didn't have an engagement ring but, in 1968, he put a wedding ring on my finger and I was a respectable married woman living in Kingston in Surrey. Inevitably, I eventually wanted a family and, being in excellent health, I foresaw no problems. However, I never conceived and so began the distressing road of sub-fertility, of taking my temperature every morning to ascertain whether or not I was ovulating; I was. The next step was a sperm count for my husband; no problem there. This was followed by hospitalisation and the blowing of one my fallopian tubes. All to no avail. I was approaching what was then, for the adoption procedure in Britain, the dreaded benchmark of thirty-six years and we still had no children. All sorts of thoughts go through the head in these situations. Should I have thought about having children earlier instead of living the bohemian life? Would sex with a different man have produced a different result? What does become painfully obvious is that, in the event of sub-fertility treatment, you need plenty of time and inevitably these problems only become obvious when time is running out and desperation is setting in.
At this time, we knew two couples who, without too many problems had adopted and taken what some would see as the 'easy route' to parenthood. Guided by them we took the first steps towards becoming adoptive parents in England. I had no qualms about adoption. I have never seen adopted children as being in any way second best. Adoption is no second best option, it is simply another way of becoming a parent if lying on your back and conceiving whilst also enjoying sex with someone that you love doesn't work for you.
Formats
Softcover
£10.99
£6.80
Softcover
£6.80
Book Details
Language :
English
Publication Date :
24/09/2010
Format :
Softcover
Dimensions :
5x8
Page Count :
180
ISBN :
9781452054315
About the Book
About the Author
Born in South East London into a working-class docker's family in 1935, she was a 'blitz kid' and spent the war years in five separate periods of evacuation.
After leaving school in 1952, she worked in London as a secretary and in 1961 went to Paris where she lived with a French family as their Au Pair. In 1962, she met a young Frenchman in a Left Bank jazz club and they returned to England together in 1966.
In March 1998, she took part in a Radio 2 program on the subject of 'Motherhood', her particular angle being that of the adoptive parent.
As had always been her intention, in November 1998 she retired from her job in London and, with her partner of 26 years, returned to France to live permanently.
She now lives in the South of France near Montpellier with her partner, a professional musician. Since being in France, she has written many articles for the English-language publications and, in 1999, had a regular twice-weekly column in the Midi Libre newspaper.
She writes about local events, particularly music and the local British musicians. She is a regular contributor to the bi-monthly magazine 'Languedoc Sun'. She also writes on the issues of integration into the French way of life and culture.
She has one son, Luke, who lives in Kent and works at the University of Greenwich.