A Broken Promise

As the months passed, I became increasingly worried about mum's memory. She seemed to suddenly start to forget what day of the week it was. I had returned to the consultant with mum, but had not prepared myself for the news he gave us. Although I had been aware mum's memory was not as good as it had been and I had noticed a steady decline, I was not aware just how bad it had now become. “We have all the test results back” Mr Mackenzie said as he shuffled the papers around. I knew by the look on his face it was not good news. “Your mother unfortunately has got severe dementia and is going to need constant care, as she is going to become a danger to herself” he said. “I knew things were getting bad, but I really did not think she was at this level” I replied. I felt sick and found myself doubting the consultant. “Are you sure?” I asked. “I am afraid I am very sure” he replied immediately. I turned to look at my mother. She was oblivious to what we were saying. She was just sitting playing with her rings on her fingers. I felt like Mr Mackenzie was talking about a complete stranger. “I spend a lot of time with my mother and although her memory is bad she seems to be capable of living her own life” I said. “That is because you do it all for your mother and therefore are masking a lot of the dementia” he replied. I searched my mind and went over in my mind the recent events of my mother's life. A shockwave ran through my body. I realised just how much I did actually now do for my mother. “Answer me a question? If you were to go away for a week, would your mum be able to cope with the day to day running of her home?” he said. I thought for a short while shutting my eyes. “Although this grieves me to say this, No she would not” I replied. “Mrs Grinsbury, how are you coping in your home at the moment?” he asked as he leaned over towards mum. “Fine, I like my home very much” mum replied. “Do you cook for yourself?” he asked. “All the time” she answered. I knew this was not true, as I was now going into mother's house every evening and sorting out a meal for her, if she was not at my house. Mum did not seem to know when she was hungry and when she was not. I knew when she was hungry because her mood changed. Once she had eaten her mood became better. I shook my head when mum was answering the consultant. He knew only too well that even though mum fully believed she was coping, she was not. “Where do we go from here?” I asked. “We can sort out a care package for your mum and disconnect anything that is a danger to her, such as her cooker” he said. “That's a bit extreme” I said. “Suppose your mother decided to cook herself something and forgot it was cooking. Or suppose she turned the gas on and did not realize she had done this” he replied. I could not believe things had gotten this bad without me realizing. However, I knew the consultant was right and it was only when he brought it to my attention, that I realized how vulnerable mum had now become. “I can give up work and take care of my mum” I said. “Do you realize what you will be taking on?” he asked. “I know it is not going to be easy, but I don't want strangers looking after her, when I am capable of doing it myself” I said.