Toy Soldiers

Holding the gun in my hand gave me mixed feelings. I never held one before. The black metal and the weight overwhelmed me. In an instant, knowledge of how much damage this weapon could do crossed my mind. All it would take is one simple pull of the trigger and I could end Spank’s life. But what of mine? What the hell was I thinking? I’m no killer. I can’t ruin my life over someone who used to run with my father! My breathing was heavy at first but I got it under control. This wasn’t worth it. My friends and I came here to let it be known that we don’t want to be a part of this anymore. If I pull the trigger, I would be everything I’m not. I put the gun down and tossed it away from me. When it landed, a bullet discharged and hit a lamp that lit up the courtyard. The lights darkened and we couldn’t see clearly since our eyes didn’t adjust to the sudden darkness. Just then, we heard another gun blast ring in the air. Then another, and then another. Soon, that was all you heard. The bullets that rang through the air came from the Jamaican kids and Spank. All I could do out of fear for my life was dive over a bush. I quickly crawled to the cars parked along the sidewalk to go underneath. I noticed one person dive over another parked car. As soon as the bullets cut through the air, was as soon as they stopped. Within seconds, you heard the police coming. I was thankful to be alive. Even though it was dark, I could still see the area to a degree. I noticed that Spank’s body lay on the ground motionless. I crawled slowly from underneath the car looking in all directions. As I came full body from underneath the car, I found Andre and Mathew coming out of their hiding slots. Our attention was caught by a blood curdling cry from the park across the street. It was the sound of a woman screaming about her child and she wanted help. Her child was hit! I couldn’t believe my eyes. All I could focus on was a woman clutching a tiny body that lay lifeless. I ran across the street as fast as I could. I couldn’t even describe what the ground felt like. I used my momentum to slide by her side. Another bystander also ran by to help by ripping off his shirt, “Hold this! Apply pressure here!” His words became a whisper to me as I focused on the child’s body. Blood was everywhere! The mother had to be dragged away from the child so help could be administered. Another man came by and said the ambulance was called and pulled me back out of the way to assist the girl. Did I kill her? Am I the cause of her death? First Kelvin and now this. This was too much for me to handle. I shouldn’t be here. I can’t be here. I heard a voice telling me to run as the sirens got louder. It was Derrick. He was leaning against the wall. Holding his stomach. He was using his last breath to tell me to go. He was right. I don’t belong in this world.