Is This Really My Life
Volume 1
by
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Right away, Fish orders a whiskey and coke. He chugs it. Drinks it in like 3 seconds. Again he orders a whiskey and coke. Again he chugs it. He then announces that he will be performing the ultimate power hour. For those of you that are unaware what a power hour is. A power hour is the practice of consuming as much alcohol as you can, as fast as you can, within an hour. It is a horrible stupid game, that usually demands babysitters from the rest of the crew. And it never ends pleasantly for the performer either. Typically they vomit uncontrollably after the first 45 minutes. Worst case scenario, they are taken to the hospital to have their stomach pumped. It’s kind of like Russian Roulette, with alcohol as the weapon. I have been the performer in a power hour before, and I can tell you, I do not ever intend to attempt to perform such a feat ever again. I was black out drunk for two days after I did it. And I’m pretty sure I puked up an organ. Fish is powering through the whiskey and cokes, one after another, just chugging them down. No drink is in his hand for more than 10 seconds. And as the classless friends that we are, we of course start buying shots for him. Just to wash down the whiskey. They were more or less girly shots, so they didn’t do to much damage. All the shots came in those thin tubes that you would typically see in a science lab. And all the shots were florescent greens and reds and blues. So you know they weren’’t that tough. We didn’t buy him any vodka or bourbon shots or anything like that. About a half hour into his journey, he was starting to show the effects of having one too many. He is pretty much yelling and screaming across the entire bar. He is cursing uncontrollably, and his body is swaying every time he turns his head. He is much like a drunken badger. It will not be long before he falls down. Thankfully, every other patron of the bar has left. They too, must have recognized a train wreck on the horizon.
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About the Book
If you have ever wondered where “the people that your mother warned you about”” actually come from? Then, you are in luck. Within the pages of Mark Ortiz’s first publication is where you will find them. Within this book lies the brutal, and sometimes barbaric, reality of a youth gone wild. Marks Ortiz’s tales of woe are both vulgarly honest and painfully endearing. His rag tag group of friends will leave you in stitches as he takes you from drunken bachelor parties to childish feats of bravado. The unfathomable situations that Mark Ortiz and his friends get into are undoubtedly the most absurd things that one has ever read. Hilarity is rampart with each turning of the page. If you are a fan of programs such as Jackass and publications such as I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, then welcome to the Mark Ortiz experience. Warning: This publication is not for the faint of heart. Mark Ortiz does not condone or advise any readers to attempt or recreate any acts within these pages.
About the Author
Though not an accomplished author, Mr. Ortiz, in his break through publication, captures the true sense of adolescent humor. His story telling is unapologetic and brash, cruel and vulgar, rude and disgusting. His voice and vision, unabashedly, carry the trials and tribulations of every generations youth. Mr. Ortiz’s care free style of writing will speak to all of us that tripped and fell through our teens and early twenties. The conviction with which he writes with, completely shatters the status quo. The insightful view of his, provides us with the opportunity to look at the world through a lens not otherwise seen. Through his eyes, we get a glimpse of how our American youth really travel through life. His guidance through this maze of crude humor and folly will no doubt, have you laughing out loud.