Love, Tea and Advice from a Dying Mother
by
Book Cover & Preview Text
From: Disclosure & radical forgiveness sections Disclosure
As I stated earlier, I am not going to expose the names and events that led to the relational fragmentation. Furthermore, I do not have their permission to use their names (nor have I asked them) or specific events that may be familiar to some of my supporters.
1st piece of advice: Some things are better left unsaid.
Besides, I have forgiven (but not forgotten) those who wronged me and have moved on. You see, I don’t have time to harbor grudges. I am suffering with a genetic fatal disease. Perhaps my diagnosis is what ultimately hastened my true and 'radical', rather than “mock” or not real forgiveness. We will discuss the differences in this section. The travesty, that enabled the web of deception to be spun, spawned this inner journey of self- discovery,
for which I am grateful. The fact that I am grateful for all these unfortunate
events, denotes “radical forgiveness’. The term coined over a decade ago, by
Colin Tipping. For more in depth information, please visit
radicalforgiveness.com. An online book review by Wendy Grant, explains it succinctly: “This book’s message is about breaking free of the victim archetype that has held such power over us for centuries. It is about our collective mission to transform the way we think about experiences in our lives. The [book’s] author boldly suggests that forgiveness is more about suspending judgment on any situation or people; assuming that all the events and circumstances of our lives are divinely choreographed rather than a random fair and unfair. The time has come, if we are to move comfortably into the energy of a new Global Consciousness, to change our thinking about many things, including the concept of forgiveness. What we have understood as forgiveness for centuries, is a condescending pardoning of someone for doing something wrong, that has affected us in a negative way.
The author calls this mock forgiveness. Mock forgiveness has its benefits, but it is time for us to go beyond the experience of victimhood. She warns that if we do not do so, we will stay hopelessly addicted to our woundedness and to the 'victim archetype'.
The author talks about cause and effect, the mechanisms of the ego, attraction and resonance, reincarnation, the evolution of consciousness, transitions, projecting illusion, suppression and repression of emotion, Divine Order, relationships, emotions, surrender, immortality, and many other aspects of living partly in the Human World, and partly in the world of Divine Order. It all sounds so complex and tedious, right? Its not though. [Book author] Tipping does a masterful job of making it all understandable and recognizable. In the shifting sands of a changing time, this is the guidebook to solid ground. Identifying and correcting worn-out assumptions is the key to our freedom; a freedom that is facilitated by the tools that the author provides in this work. This freedom is crucial to the advancement of humankind. It’s all made fairly simple, effective and do-able” (Grant, W. 2009)
Through Divine intervention and choreography, we have free will, so it is a stretch for me to believe that the circumstances of our lives are pre-destined
and pre-determined. However, this “radical” thinking is what catapulted my victimhood to gratefulness. Each sequence of the events that negatively unfolded led me to professional therapy-- some of which was even court-appointed. Through individual and group therapy, I was able to process and heal my past, thus enabling me to be a contributing, stable and emotionally healthy member of society. Alas!
*** ‘‘To be blunt’ or the ‘bottom line’’ sections (at the end of each topic/section), both: --denote my lack of time to sugarcoat these lessons for you! I want anyone, who wants to, to be able to open the book, read/gain insight, about any of these lessons needed.
The Big Apology
Even though the web of deception was spun very quickly and intricately, someone owes my children (and all the other children too!) a big ‘ole apology, for the children didn’t ask for this precarious situation. God trusted me with the task of raising you, with Christian values and being your Mom. For whatever the reasons that I was not able to fulfill my plight from God--for whatever reason that all the other parent(s) were not able to fulfill theirs, I’d like to step up and offer an apology to my children, Nykohl and Kinzey, and to all the children who, for whatever reason, experienced a fragmented parental relationship. Children don’t ask, deserve or expect to be a part of adult’s drama, but they are, and for that, I apologize.
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Book Details
About the Book
Though I don't have legal clearance to give juicy details, through much incredible family dysfunction, both of my girls spent a significant amount of years in the custody of their grandmother.
This precarious situation led me to, though court-appointed, at first, psychotherapy. Several years later of therapy led me to explore and process my own ambiguous childhood that was riddled with sexual abuse. This exploration spawned another realm of self-discovery that led to an extreme appreciation for radical forgiveness (see next section), for which I am eternally grateful, for the maturation of my own emotional health.
The realm of emotional-processing and self-discovery, along with the deisre to leave a by-product of said disocvery to my kids (& others) re: the value in character/value building and steering one's own moral compass, that they may have missed out on, is the largest inspiration, for writing this book.
The contents of these pages represent the conversations, experiences and the transference of knowledge of your mothers’ morals, standards and values via tough and expressed love that we have had up until your 18th birthday(s) respectively.
I also want to selfishly, prepare and/or reserve my inevitable place in ‘heaven‘, by fulfilling my “charge” as a mom.
It is my fervent hope and prayer that every person, who has experienced a fragmented relationship with his/her parent/guardian, can gain enough practical and spiritual advice offered here, to build their own moral compass to live their lives fully and completely in love. Take the necessary steps to heal your relationship(s); it is possible and worth it.
When I make the transition/die, don’t cry (much) because I’m gone; smile in gratitude for having had me in your life for whatever time we had together. I maintain a posture of gratitude for everything and everybody--whether positive or negative.
The positive people and events, have created an enormous and expansive sense of gratitude (including, but certainly not limited to, my readers); the negative people and events, have spawned an enormous and expansive perplexity of forgiveness and love.
I hope I’’ve completed my plight as God’s charge as a mother to my own children and many others as well.
About the Author
About the author: The neurodegenerative/fatal disease from which she suffers, forced Benetta to retire (3 different times) from a rewarding career in the massage therapy industry: MT/MT instructor/certified alternative health care consultant/(Doula) birthing assistant. After her diagnosis, she got busy about fulfilling her “bucket” list: number one on the list was completing a bachelor’s degree, begun 20 years earlier. Thus, she graduated with a BA in Sociology, through much medical and pain intervention. Several years earlier, through monumental familial dysfunction and manipulation(s), the plight of raising successful, emotionally healthy, well-adjusted, contributing members of society, to adulthood was unfortunately lost. However, she accepted the “charge” of motherhood by God very seriously. Affectionately called by several nicknames: Mamaben, Big Mama, Miss Ben, and Claire (as in Huxtable!), through this book, Ben hopes to fulfill her promise and plight as a mother figure/model to many. Throughout the book, she also shares her knowledge of some alternative health care remedies, that is not to be substituted for medical advice or care.