conversations with dad

INTRODUCTION

This is a simple book of poetry. I can’t really take the credit for writing the poems, I have my parents to thank for them.

Up until the point when I first started working on this book, I had never picked up a poetry book, nor had I ever studied it, the only poem that I ever wrote prior to the death of my Dad was one that I penned when I was eight years old and at primary school. It was a very innocent and childlike poem about death, it seemed quite fitting to include it in my introduction to this book, as like the rest of my poems, it is very simple.

When I die, I will lie, in a little box, Lying very still.

After my Dad died at the end of November 2008, I was completely devastated by my loss and as a way of dealing with the overwhelming grief that resided in me, I started to write my thoughts down on paper, when I looked over the scribbling of my thoughts, they appeared to come out in a poetic way, it wasn’t something that I consciously chose to do! Rather it chose me. The poems that I have included in my book, I wrote in the year after my Dad’s death.

As you would expect it to, my Dads death had a major impact on my life and I found myself not only dealing with the loss of my Dad, but my grief also opened up old wounds, that had not fully had the chance to heal after the sudden death of my Mam, some seven years earlier. I found that I was not only dealing with the loss of my Dad but the loss of my family unit, as I had known it. During this period, I was aware that I was re-examining all of my childhood memories, and at the same time dealing with the pain of losing both parents.

I have found that my poems have helped me to pave a path through my grief and they have given me great comfort and thus made me feel closer to my parents. My poem’s are about my own reflections and experiences that I have faced in life. These reflections have made me sit down and analyse the life that I had whilst my parents were alive and also made me look at the way my life has changed since they have gone.

I never expected to lose my parents, at such a young age, but it is something that I have had no choice over and it’s something that I have had to face and deal with. Sometimes I find it very difficult to get my head around the fact that I will never see or hear from them again. This fills me with a great deal of sadness, but I do know that life goes on and I have a lovely family and a fantastic group of friends and a beautiful life that I am fully appreciative of and it’s these things that bring me great comfort and make me smile.

If you have found yourself picking this book off the shelf, then you have possibly been in a similar place to where I have been. I hope that this little book of simple thoughts helps you to put your own thoughts into order and that you like me, find a comfort in your journey.

Dad

The news

Have you had the news, that you didn't want to hear,

your body started trembling, when the news became so clear.

I'm sorry Mr. Ward, there really is no hope,

I don't know how to tell you, but we can't remove the lump.

The cancers spread too far and it's making lots of speed,

it’s covering all your body and taking what you need.

The life you had is slipping and the pain within your heart,

is closing one more door, that you know you will depart.

The look in the eyes, upon your children’s face,

tells you there's no hope, you’re going to lose this race.

You don't know what to say, you still have lots to give,

the life that you planned out, is taken from your grip.

But you just find the strength, to get your family through,

you tell them not to worry, there's nothing they can do.

You haven’t lost your hope, you will live in all of them,

but they mustn’t lose the fight, they must find the voice within.

I don't know how to tell you, but I love you all so much,

I need you not to worry, but you mustn't all rush.

The grieving is so natural, you’re seeing what you've lost,

I don't know how to help you, but I'm trying to share your loss.

I know it's very painful, but you need to find the strength,

to let it happen naturally, be guided by my voice.

I still had lots to show you and wanted to help you grow.

But I had no control, it was taken from my hands,

the cards I had were handed, from the one that just knows best.

So now it's time to go and it hurts me so to say,

but I hope you live your life in the happiest and best possible way.