Torn Apart

In the beginning, Billy was plagued with a strange dream. He’d see himself playing ping pong. He was both players and with each volley he’d change. He was ten. He was a teenager. Then, he was in high school, in college, taking a Bar Exam, at his first job, getting married, buying a house, and becoming a father. George, Karen, Marcia, Barb, Billy’s mom, and Linda were seated on folding chairs watching him play. His mom is shaking her head back and forth. She looks his way and waggles her index finger up and down like she was scolding him. The finger that was pointing at him turns into a guitar. She turns the guitar around and points it his way as if she were aiming a rifle. Everyone is dressed in white alter boy gowns, passing a long stemmed red rose from left to right, from George to Karen to Marcia to Barb and lastly to Linda. Billy’s mom is still aiming her guitar at him. Linda touches her lips with her tongue, outlining her mouth while beckoning Billy to come to her, turning her palm upward, cupping her index finger, and moving it back and forth. She places the rose between her teeth, takes off her gown, and begins a sensual dance. She’s topless, wearing only a teal thong and silver high heels. Billy’s mom turns the guitar toward Linda. It becomes a rifle. Billy’s mom becomes Marcia who aims the rifle at him. A shot is accompanied by a cloud of smoke and everyone vanishes except Linda and Billy. He becomes a passenger gazing out the window of a train at the passing homes, cities, and fields. Billy sees himself as a boy running after a girl. The girl is Marcia. Marcia becomes Linda. Billy never knew if he was awake or not. He’d open and close his eyes several times. He’d be sweating. He felt as is if an intense fever was cooking his brain. He felt hot all over. “Am I in hell? Am I about to see a horned devil? He sensed Barb at his side. He could hear her deep rhythmic breathing. “What the hell have I done Barb? How did this happen?” He knew exactly what he’d done. It’s funny how your whole life can alter its course in a single moment or series of moments. You don’t see it coming, or if you do, you don’t anticipate the outcome. Once it hits you, your life is no longer as it once was. Contemplations of Billy’s past and soul-searching were coming together in his head. He needed to concentrate on what he needed to do next. He was determined to move on. Self preservation has no boundaries. 1987 - 1991 Detective Dunleavy became an unwanted pain in Billy’s ass. His goddamn theory regarding a third person responsible for Linda and Jonnie’s deaths should have ended with the official declaration of a murder – suicide. But no, he had to retire and devote his every minute to the case. His persistence led to uncovering Billy’s affair with Linda. At least, he agreed that the affair wasn’t proof of murder and he agreed to keep his knowledge of the affair from Marcia. He won’t let go though. Billy was his number one suspect and he knew it. He also knew that Dunleavy couldn’t find a witness to place him in Amherst that fatal night. If that punk Mason were to disappear, Billy would no longer have to worry. “Such drastic measures are unnecessary. I’m sure Mason will never tell. He knows that he is every bit the suspect that I am. The first time we met, he admitted that he was there too, but didn’t know what happened.