Better than a Stick in the Eye
A Method for Resolving Conflicts and Bringing about Changes in Marriages, Families, and the Workplace
by
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Chapter 2: An Interactive Together-Help Book Relationships are important. Throughout human history, people have realized that much more can be accomplished by working together than by working alone. The need for good working relationships became obvious to even our earliest ancestors. Human culture is built on relationships, because it is only by working together that a civilization can advance. As the world becomes more advanced, relationships become even more important, and they are always changing because the people are changing. That is why this isn’t a “self-help” book, but rather a “together-help” book. In relationships, it is impossible to have only one person change. When one person changes, the relationship changes, and therefore the other person must change, too. People get sick, go to school, change jobs, have children, get married, get old, and move away. Each time, their relationships change. One of the main reasons married couples came to see me for counseling was that through many years of change, they had simply drifted apart. This continual change is why relationships must be constantly tended and why it is very important to maintain good relationships, especially the high-stakes ones, such as marriages, families, and work. In order to be successful in life, you have to promote and maintain good, healthy relationships, but when a relationship stretches and strains over time, sometimes you are not sure how to get it back on track. This book is about helping relationships change for the better. Learning better relationship skills might be one of the most important things you do in your life! As you read through this book, you will learn about the ZG method and how it is used to bring about change and resolve conflicts. You will learn the rationale behind the method so you can understand what is happening and why it works. You will also learn to demystify the process of change by realizing that much change is simply rediscovering what you already know. In addition, you will learn how to identify and let go of bad habits that are harming your relationships. I once was counseling a man who was having marriage difficulties. When I suggested some things he might do to help make his marriage better, he replied, “I’m not going to do that because that is what she wants me to do.” Obviously, he had a bad habit of simply resisting everything she wanted him to do. Other chapters in the book will discuss the differences between solving problems and resolving interpersonal difficulties. Some of the information presented might seem counterintuitive, but I have seen this process work time and time again for a variety of people. The book will take you through a step-by-step tutorial so you can apply the ZG method in your own family and workplace. These chapters lead you through the relational interaction that will mend and strengthen your most important relationships. There are also suggestions for supporting the change and the improved relationship. As you read through the book, you will learn to trust in the process and let it work. Ultimately, the ZG method works because it puts the participants in charge of the changes. You are not following an outsider’s recommendations, but instead are coming up with your own plans for change. Chapter 3: The ZG Method The ZG method of helping people change is needed because the old methods don’t work any more. For one thing, people are different. People now want to have choices and be part of the decision-making process that affects them. They want to find their own solutions, and with a simple Internet connection, they have access to an incredible amount of information that helps them do that. In this fast-paced, wired world, they can’t take the time for long, drawn-out counseling and have generally dismissed the Freudian, deterministic approach. When it comes to resolving conflicts and mending relationships, they want a method that is easy to understand, simple to do, quick, and effective. The ZG method is all of that and more. All of the methods and tools I used in ten years of counseling are explained and adapted so that anyone can use them in his own setting to produce similar results. The principles and methods in this book are not necessarily new, but they are combined together in a unique way that produces the most effective results. Of course, use of the ZG method is limited to the worried well—people who are mentally healthy, but having trouble with a relationship. This method is not a quick fix for people with serious mental disorders or addictions, or in severely abusive relationships. To help solve interpersonal difficulties, a different way of thinking is required because the old problem-solving techniques won’t work and even make the situation worse. With this new mind-set, a simple plan can be followed to resolve most of the conflicts or minimize their impact on the smooth functioning of an organization or family. With the ZG method, you will learn how to do the following: Formats Book Details Many of the people I counseled would ask what they could do if they got stuck, again. They wanted to know if there was something they could do on their own instead of coming back to counseling. They asked me to give them some background on how I was able to help them resolve their conflicts and provide them with a step-by-step guide to repair their relationships again. This book is the response to that request. Mr. Graham received his undergraduate degree in Business Administration from Georgetown University. He was in the Navy for a three year sea tour and completed an MBA degree at Indiana University. Following school and marriage he joined the family agriculture business in southern Indiana and worked there for 25 years. At age fifty he earned a MSW from the University of Louisville and an A.A. degree and a Certificate of Study in Substance Abuse from Vincennes University. During ten years of counseling with hundreds of businesses, families and couples, Mr. Graham developed a method (the ZG method) that produces real, lasting changes in people and their relationships. His book, Better Than a Stick in the Eye, adapts his methods so they can be used by people at home and in the workplace. Mr. Graham has given hundreds of seminars and presentations on relationship issues. He has written newspaper articles and has been on radio and television. In addition to writing, Mr. Graham gives presentations and consults on relationship issues.
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