Best of Friends?

As I struggled to open my eyes, the room seemed to be moving slightly, like the aftermath of an earthquake.  My mouth felt like it was stuck together and that a small sewer-dwelling rodent had crawled in at some point in the night.  I tried to move my head and it was pounding like a bass drum in a White Stripes song.  There was something stuck to my forehead - it was a fake eyelash.  I felt in a fog and very nauseous, then I heard the snort from behind me…  I had brought the God home.

The ten seconds that it took to decide whether to turn over and remind myself of what he looked like, seemed like an eternity.  Could I still sneak to the bathroom and freshen up without waking him?  I did not feel good, what an earth did I look like?  On a good day, I looked pretty normal, blonde hair (well, sometimes), brown eyes, average size and a smile.  I was more cutesy than a looker but this morning, I had a sneaking suspicion that I mostly resembled Lily Savage after a typhoon.  I slipped out of the bed at the side and crawled like Spiderman (after some bug spray) to the bathroom.  As predicted, I needed some work - about four showers and a car wash should do it but the shower would be too noisy and would wake my guest.  I did the best patch up job I could but there was no hiding the dark circles or the fact that due to extreme dehydration, if I moved my skin, it stayed there.  I was fighting the waves of nausea and having to breathe deeply and I was unsure of my next move - do I attempt to sneak back into bed with my Greek God?  Another round with the Adonis would surely tip me over the edge but then I don’t want him to think I’ve run out on him, if he’s as gorgeous as I remember, I really don’t want to let this one get away.

Sniper crawling back across the room like Charlie Sheen in Platoon, seemed even more indignant than when I left the bedroom but it had to be done.  Luckily he was facing the other way, I could just see the back of his head - wow, I hadn‘t noticed that he was slightly balding before, oh well, nobody‘s perfect.  I snuck back in bed and was immediately overwhelmed by the smell of onion, which I'd thought was me before the bathroom break but no…  I was leaning over trying to get a look when I noticed the hair and spots on his back and then he farted - bloody charming.  The smell kicked up so bad that I thought my eyes were melting and the nausea was suddenly back with a vengeance, as I tried not to gag -  it was fair to say that my Adonis was losing some of his sheen right about now.  He started to move, I started to panic…  the slow-mo happened all over again and as he started to turn, memories began to flood my brain, as I suddenly remembered the night before!