Book 1. Chapter 3

My sister, gist dey. I don go on the first date with my love in my new Infiniti jeep. Na Chinese we go chop. Na smol she chop so I scrape my plate come level her own join. My sister na 1.75 plates man wak o.

Even grapes sef na only three she chop. As I dey look di grapes dey go through her parted lips, through those perfectly arranged teeth, mai heart dey do mi gbosa-gbosa-gbosa laik Ijaw bois automatic machine guns. Mai mind dey confused. I come dey imagine say make I pull table cloth and plates commot, come put her for table, come open im belle, put all the grapes for im navel den begin dey chop am one by one with mai mouth. Sister, I dey alright or na so dis thing dey catch persin? I digress.

 Dis babe dey perfectly compatible with mai longa throat disposition. If you see where I loose belt there eh. Wen we dey school dat time na ‘coefficient of linear expansion’ we dey call di way mai belle overstep boundary.  Wen we chop finis for di Chinese place now, I come stand up. Mai belle eh, e bi laik 6 months pregnancy.

Book2. Chapter 1

Dear My Sister,

Na so I see am o. The big day approaches faster than a speeding train. Na juss two words pere and she go enta mai hand. ‘I do’, na im I dey practice everyday for front of mirror. Juss those two words and I don become married man. Wonderment! I practice am so tey, wen one patient ask mi weda make im chop im tablets before or afta food, my sister na ‘I do’ na im I ansa.

Make I no lie. I don dey develop homicidal tendencies for di first time in my life. You sabi say I follo take hypocrathic oath for Uniben and ‘do no harm’ na my mantra. But..but..eh, on dat day , wen Pastor say, ‘should anyone know of a reason why the couple should not wed, speak now or forever hold your peace’, my sister, if any bagga venture raise dorti hand eh, blood go flow. Bad thing go happun for church o. Make no persin try mi or else na dia hand I go put asunder with blunt broken bottle. I no care weda na family member or even you sef. Dat curch go resemble blood bank wey all the blood bags get holes. I know say yu don abuse mi for belle. Same to yu.

Book 3

Saddle up the camels

Saddle up the camels

For tonight I go

On a quest for love

Across the sand dunes

Of the great Sahara

I seek her hand

My love

I seek her heart

I pray stars above

The African skies

Show me the way to my treasure