MARRIAGE AND IN-LAWS
A BIBLICAL APPROACH TO HOW WE RELATE TO OUR IN-LAWS
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Chapter 3
Culture and In-Laws
The dictionary describes culture as “the attitudes and behaviour that are characteristics of a particular social group or organisation"
Culture is closely tied to beliefs and differs across all tribes and nations. This is especially so when it comes to marriage. Either you are already in or planning an intra-cultural or trans-cultural marriage, culture should not be put aside. This points the way we relate to our in-laws. We might choose not to do things in a culturally accepted way or according to certain beliefs but when we are getting married culture cannot be put aside! Look before you leap! When people get to the age of choosing a marriage partner, one of the things they want to find out more than anything is the cultural/traditional requirements on both sides. A lot of people come to know more about themselves and their ancestors when it comes to getting married.
In as much as we all want to do things the modern way and deviate from culture because of certain misgivings and/or poor observations surrounding our heritage; it is difficult however, to totally cut off from culture. We don’t need to be told today how much of our culture we are living in despite being physically miles away from it. This can be seen in the increasing number of continental shops opening up around us as well as the long queue experienced in the continental food shops. The same applies to our marriages. We want to live a married life that is entirely different from the traditional marriage life but before the legal marriages, the customary marriages existed.
Some of the principles that underpinned the customary marriage are still applied in our marriages today. Today marriage is protected by the law especially against physical abuse and more importantly polygamy. However, we need to realise that some of the norms that governed marriages of yesteryears are still in operation in relation to our relationship with in-laws. A lack of thorough understanding of the culture of in-laws may result in embarrassment during marital life. This is best summarised by Pearl Buck when she said
“If you want to understand today, you have to search yesterday.”
A lot has been heard and said (mostly negative) about in-laws and it is time to sit down and study what is behind this way of their thinking and doing things. Understanding their culture might help in blending with them; cope with their way of life rather than seeing their actions as a challenge from them. A lot of women and men are experiencing in-law problems today whereas their in-laws don’t have the slightest clue that they are finding their presence or actions as a challenge.
Men tend to face fewer in-law challenges for the reason that men generally do not tend to dwell on negative encounters. They tend to move on quicker and take less to heart. (Too busy as usual!) Women hold unto both negative and positive encounters longer. For a relationship to flourish and grow especially between families the woman usually holds the fort. That is why in a gathering; if a man is known to be a pleasant and sociable person but his wife is unapproachable or not accommodating, people would rather not have anything to do with such a family if possible.
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About the Book
This unique Christian book on Marriage and In-Laws gives you an in-depth knowledge on how to relate with your in-laws right from the beginning of your relationship. It takes you through who an in-law is, meeting your in-laws, how to welcome an in-law into your family, achieving a perfect relationship with them, and how to handle challenges with your in-laws. This book also includes ten special tips for your in-laws. This special book uses the Bible as the centre approach to this special relationship with our in-laws. It is about time we take a practical approach to enjoying a good relationship with our in-laws. No longer can we afford to be ignorant of the devices of the devil that is destroying our marriages. A must read book for every Christian married or planning to get married in future. A book that delves into what you must know if you are already in or going into trans-cultural as well as intra-cultural marriage. It is very educative for men and women. Also an ideal gift for friends and families. Let’s prevent problems occurring in our marriages and enjoy the best in our homes as God intended. Remember the Bible says “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge” Hosea 4; 6b
Don’t be caught short in your marriage!
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About the Author
Nike Akinsulire, born in Kent, England however lived and grew up across three very diverse cultures in Nigeria. These gave her a wide view of life and relationships. She is also is fluent three main languages.
She is a Pastor’s wife and a children and youth worker in the New Covenant Church, UK. She enjoys cooking and reading, a mother of three lovely children.
Nike has had the opportunity of counselling friends and families in regards to their marriage and in-laws. She combines her experience after seventeen years of marriage with the experience gained while growing up on the effect of culture in human behaviour.
She believes in practical approach to situations no matter how tough it may seem. For your marriage especially, it is well worth it! This book about marriage and in-laws has been put together to touch lives and homes in a positive way. Sit down, relax and enjoy it. Don’t forget to pass the message on to others that will benefit from it. God bless you.