Mental Suicide

Parting.

My voice roars, so does my anger. I am so mad I am going crazy; you must wish you were still here to see it, don’t you? You watched me ruin everything I worked for; you saw them take me away in handcuffs. I never did know why you didn’t say something, why you never came to visit; it didn’t have to be that way.

No, you have your new lover; I am left playing pool all by myself. I would explain to you what friendship should be like, but I thought you already knew that. Being forgotten and betrayed sure brings out the best in me, don’t you think?

You both were so glad when I came out in the freezing rain to help you out of your mess, a mess you created. If you didn’t want to talk to me anymore, why didn’t you send a letter?

Ah, yes, and you, you have changed or can’t you tell? Soon I will be on top of the high rise, deciding to jump or start shooting. Well, you, you aren’t my friend anymore so you don’t have to be nice to me, I am sure not going to be nice to you. You, know that if you didn’t know what to say, you should have thought harder.

Now I am sitting around filling the ashtrays. I hope you don’t think you can come back and be talking about forgiving and forgetting. You see, I have already forgotten all the good times we shared, I will always remember the bitter taste you left in my mouth when you left. Honey, it’s not that I can’t forgive, it’s that I won’t.

With the pictures of you and I, the books of poems that I wrote for you burning, just like my foreign induced rage. Everybody that cares thinks they can take your place, well, they just can’t honey. Didn’t I try my best to be a good friend to you; didn’t I give you all of my stolen money?

Now, I stand here, thinking about you, and wondering just what it is you do anyway. There is nothing I have to say to you. I will be sitting at the bar soon, forgetting about you. You had better learn to fend for yourself; you aren’t got me to bail you out anymore. I think you will be sleeping in your car soon, eating dog food out of the bag.

Did you think that your leaving would force me to fall into sadness? Did you think that I would need an atlas, to find my way without you? Do you think that I still got a warm place in my heart for you baby? Well I hear that Hell is warm, that’s where you belong. Your mouth used to be so kind to me, my hurts used to be so few, our enemies used to be so nameless.

It’s true I just can’t recall a useful thing you ever did for me. I hope that when you find yourself jobless and being evicted again, you remember that if you had not been such a bitch, I would be there to help you out of your self-dug ditch. You never had to be anything more to me than a friend. Now I hope our parting causes you to grieve, yes, it was you that decided to leave.

These are the only words that are true.

Of love and life, the suffering just continues. With backs to the wall, and hope burned out. The curse of life just taunts, the cowboy President just bombs. Truth is a lie, out among the clouds. Light of the sun is just black. All is false, man stands with folded arms, his whores collapsed. Everything ends, it all means nothing in the end. No joy ever last long, pain lasts for all time.

The little boy inside, he drinks the whiskey than whines about it. The woman she takes the keys and drives towards her burning fate. The savageness of hearts being torn out makes me insane. Hell has broken loose, you look for your noose. With time rusting your blood, setting with God on your knee. On his promise of paradise, I can’t help but to laugh. Cause all I can feel is his wrath.

Relationships end in back rooms, I am condemned to understand it all, all the time. I try to explain it all in rhyme. Pathetic bitch from hell full of need. Love causes my brain to bleed. Evil birds of prey pick at scabs, forming scars that will never heal. All the while, you just don’t know how to deal.

Kingdoms they all fall, bodies they rot. As people change lovers like socks always wishing for what someone else has. The gays and the straights talk about equal rights, even though nothing will ever be equal. When none of it matters, no not at all. The fog it hides sanity from eyes. Friends and other failures tell you to live not die, but all the while, they lie. There are no truths in life, there can be no happiness.

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