How Cancer Saved My Life

He knew us before He formed us. “Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee” (Jer. 1:5), and He knows what we can take and what we can’t. He is the thermostat in our furnace of affliction. This is why some people had an easier walk through cancer than I did, and there are some whose walk was much more difficult.  I used to be envious of people who would come to me for counsel because of a bad or questionable medical report. After my first bout with cancer, I became known as the poster child for cancer. I am a very private person, and God gave me the grace to walk through this without people even knowing it came back on me, so people would think nothing of talking openly about someone who had recently passed away or a bad result, not knowing I was going through it again myself. I would talk to them and encourage them as they poured out their hearts to me.

Many times, I would come home and put my needs aside and beg God for their health. I knew what was in store for them if the test results came back positive, and I asked Him for mercy on their behalf. It was as if I took these people in my hands and lifted them up over my head to heaven and asked God to reverse the bad report and send forth healing. There were times I fasted for others and their healing…and He heard the prayers. Sure enough, they would always come back thrilled about the good news. One time, the report came back wrong. Another time, it turned out to be benign. Yet another time, it was caught in time, and a simple lumpectomy was needed, and no chemo. Still another time, it turned out to be fibrosis. There were different people with different, but positive victories. They would hug me, and we would cry tears of joy together, but through all of the laughter and high-fives to God for their victory, some of my tears would be for me.

As happy as I was for them, my heart ached because I wanted to know when it would be my turn. I knew God could do it, but why wasn’t He? When would it be my turn to laugh and cry because of a breakthrough? I saw the hand of God move in other people’s lives around me, but His scepter never lowered towards me. I could never understand why He would deliver other people around me, but not me. If I didn’t know God, I would have thought it was almost cruel how He would have me pray and fast for others and then I would have to stand there and watch them get blessed. It was always just within my grasp, yet out of my reach. But as this happened over and over again, I began to understand that He knew what I could handle. God was strengthening me. No, I was still fighting cancer, but I was also developing a relationship with Him—that thing my sisters had talked about in Hawaii.

I was learning how to praise Him in my trial. Slowly, I was depending more and more upon Him and less and less upon me. Let’s face it—what I was doing wasn’t working anyway, but that does not mean He is not able. I am reminded of the three men, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, who were cast into the burning fiery furnace by King Nebuchadnezzar (Dan. 3:20). Their faith in God never wavered. They understood that God was God, whether they were in the furnace or out. I was beginning to understand what they meant.