Dreams II

THE NEXT thing I knew, Richard was shaking me.

“Wake up, wake up, darling! It’s okay; everything is all right. I’m here,” and he pulled me into his arms.

“Oh, Richard, it was awful!” Tears were streaming down my face.

“Honey, it’s just a bad dream. Everything is all right now.”

“No!” I screamed. “You don’t understand. It wasn’t just a bad dream.” I started crying again. I wasn’t ready to tell him about the dream or how terrifying it was. I needed more time, and I needed to talk to Dr. Ralph.

Richard was looking at me with a strange expression on his face. He asked, “What don’t I understand? Joan, what’s wrong? What do you mean? Talk to me; help me understand.”

Oh, God, I wanted to tell him, but I couldn’t, so I said, “I don’t know what I meant. It was just a really scary dream. I’ll be all right in a few minutes.”

Still looking at me with a perplexed expression, he said, “I’ll drop it for now, but something is going on here, and I’m going to find out what it is. Let me get you a glass of water. Try to relax. We still have a couple of hours before it’s time to get up.”

He went into the bathroom to get the glass of water, and I tried to get control of myself. He must think I’m losing my mind. I kept seeing the look on his face.

By the time he came back with the water, I was pretending to be asleep. He set the glass on the night stand, crawled into bed, and pulled me close to him. I knew I had to tell him about the dreams. It was not fair to continue to keep this secret from him. It felt good having him hold me, and I soon did drift off to sleep.

We were both awake before the clock alarmed at 6:30 a.m.

“Are you all right, honey? How are you feeling now; any more bad dreams?”

“I’m sorry about last night. After I went back to sleep, I slept like a baby with you holding me.”

“Good, maybe we can talk about it when I get home tonight. You waking up like that scared me. . . . Have you had bad dreams like that before?”

“I’ll tell you about it later; we don’t have time to discuss this now. We’ll talk tonight when you get home,” and I went to the bathroom to get ready for work.

I closed the bathroom door and stood with my back to it, trying to figure out a way to tell him about the dreams. I needed to tell him; I realized that, but it was going to be so hard. I should have told him about the dreams when we decided to get married. I would need help, though, so I’d talk to Dr. Ralph, and Susan. They’d know how to handle this.

Richard was knocking on the bathroom door.

“Are you all right in there?”

“Be out in a minute,” I answered as cheerfully as I could. I hurried to finish and looked in the mirror to check my face. I walked out of the bathroom smiling. Richard was standing at the bathroom door with a glass of orange juice.

“We don’t have time for breakfast, but I wanted you to have a little something. You look refreshed.”