Our Days in a Daze

 …The first order of business is to get your self an ice cold beverage. The next task is to relieve yourself of the beverage you just had. While you’re at it try washing your hands. The pig should be in the roaster not standing next to it. We tell you this because once you start the carving and serving phase you will be there awhile…

 …The only thing I accomplished by jumping on the hogs back was to keep him from jumping out of the truck. My rodeo pals were trying their best to wrestle the beast down to get him on its side. All I remember is riding this thing from one side of the truck to another and thinking what the hell are we doing. We must be nuts. Somebody shoot this thing. Did I mention that during all of this the hog is screaming his ass off? Or was that me? Either way there was a lot of yelling and screaming. After a time we managed to get the hog down and tie his front legs. The rear legs were easier than the front but still no easy task. All the time the man whom we purchased the hog from was standing by with a broad smile across his face. Apparently he had seen this show before and enjoyed the entertainment…

…One of the first stops was the horse barn, or should I say the horse apple storage department. This inside fermenting plant could knock a maggot off a gut wagon. The next stop was his cabin where the cowboy and his wife resided along with most of the blow flies in Northern Illinois. The final stop was to where he would like to have me set up and cook the main attraction for this gala event. This location was next to their pet cemetery and outdoor riding arena or might I be so bold as to say the outdoor horse apple depository…