You Didn't Grow In My Tummy-You Grew In My Heart
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Until the 10th May 2004 bluebell's only ever evoked in me the memories of a little girl dressed in a frock coat who was holding tightly onto the hand of a tall willowy man who wore a trilby on his head, they were walking hand in hand through a carpet of purple bluebell's, all around them were tall green trees. The man was my Grandfather William Stowell, the little girl whose hand he tenderly held was mine.Crashing into that memory and totally swamping it is a huge wave of nauseating pain and sadness, that captures my thoughts and chases away the memories of my childhood, holding me tight it then carries me along in its spewing froth until it finally leaves me high and dry engulfed in the memories of what happened to me on that damn awful day in May 2004.
It was 10 o clock in the morning and as prearranged with social services Bo and I had arrived at the "safe house" to meet Angharad and the lady who was going to supervise the "final contact" The final contact was to be for just two short hours, yet those two precious hours were to be the most painful hours in my entire life, hours which I was to relive time and again until the day I die. No pain will ever surpass it and no love will ever erase it, it is etched like an open sore in my heart and will never be healed completely.
It had only been two weeks since I last saw Angharad on her 1st birthday, that visit was the one and only time that the four sisters were ever to be together, Hope, Morganna, Angharad and Rhiannon were for a few hours able to share Angharad's 1st birthday, it was also the last time that Hope, Morganna, Oliver and Kevin as well as my parents were ever to see Angharad. It was agonising to watch the girls all together knowing that they would not see each other again until they were adults, if indeed they do see each other again.
I was more fortunate, as the week after Angharad's first birthday Bo had rung me to ask if I would go with her when she had her final contact with Angharad. In one way I felt honoured that after all we had been through she still felt that she could turn to me, but at the same time I also felt that I could have hung her out to dry, I was so angry that my child could be the cause of so much heartache. None of what was happening made any sense to me, it all seemed so surreal, this wasn't even one of those things that happen to other people, and I could never have imagined this ever happening to anyone at all.
Now here I was sat in the most impersonal of rooms. Clutching tightly to me the memory box that I had agonised over as I tried to put so much love into it for Angharad, holding it so protectively that you could have been forgiven if you had thought the box actually contained my heart. My heart was broken in two, what was in that box was me. In that room with me was my daughter, my granddaughter and the lady from social services who I shall call Karen. I had been catapulted into my worst nightmare and I was about to begin living it, I had absolutely no idea of the pain that lay ahead of me.
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About the Book
"Mammy, when we grew in your tummy, did we grow there together"?
When twins Hope and Morganna asked their innocent question one day they could have had no idea of the emotional journey it was to send their "Mammy" on. For Keri the months that followed were full of other questions that began to make her think.
In February 2006 Keri watched as two young girls said a tearful goodbye to their mother. Never before had she faced the reality that she may not be here to tell her girls how it was that Grandma became Mammy, she had always taken for granted that she would be able to tell her girls, in her own words how it came about that they had lost a complete generation of their family.
Keri embarked on writing a letter that would if she were not able to do so herself tell all four of her girls what had happened, the letter grew into a book, which Keri knew had to be shared.
In her words without apportioning blame Keri shares with her readers the emotional rollercoaster journey that she has travelled in getting a residence order on Hope and Morganna. She tells of her frustration and despair as she realises she is unable to reach her own daughter Bo, and save her from the dark world she seems intent on living in.
Then most heartbreakingly of all Keri shares the deepest of sorrows, a pain that will live within her forever - that of having to say goodbye to her own granddaughters - Hope and Morganna's younger sister's.
Throughout her story Keri has shown the love and devotion she holds for her family, and how one word came to mean so much for her, a word that even today she holds onto - Hope.
Just two days after submitting her final manuscript Keri suffered a double Sub-arachnoid haemorrhage (brain haemorrhage), she is home and well on her way to making a full recovery.
About the Author
I was born in Cardiff in 1959, at the age of three my family relocated to Pembrokeshire where I grew up with my 2 younger brothers and younger sister. All my life I have had two things that have driven me, my tireless love and devotion for my family and friends, and my love of music - singing has always been my emotional outlet.
I have four children and six grand children.
11 years ago I left my beloved Pembrokeshire and relocated to East Sussex. Today I live in Oxfordshire with my husband Kevin, our son Oliver, and the girls - Hope and Morganna. Home is a beautiful 16th century cottage, on a dairy farm. Life is now peaceful, but it hasn't always been that way. I have lived through much turmoil and heartache especially over the past 5 years which has seen me fight with every breath in me to keep Hope and Morganna within my family.
This is my first book, when I started writing it I had no way of predicting the importance it would hold, that is not until when on August 27th 2006, just 2 days after submitting my final manuscript to AuthorHouse I suffered from a double brain haemorrhage, which reinforced in me my books importance and gave me even more determination to see it completed. I am currently working on my latest book "Promise Me" which tells of my battle to survive my brain haemorrhage and of how this life changing event has affected me.
Once again someone was watching over me. On August 30th at the Heath Hospital in Cardiff I underwent a process called Embolisation, some extremely gifted people put me back together again. I am now back at home in Oxfordshire and well on my way to making a full recovery. I am so grateful for each and every day that I wake to the sound of my children playing.