Bridging the Expectation Gap

It is in the nature of humans to live in expectation.

      We are born with expectation.  We are not, however, born with the knowledge of what to expect or how to judge the quantity or quality of our expectations.  This we must learn.

                  Many of man’s acts are predicated on expectation.  A driver does not turn the key in the ignition without expecting the engine to start.  What he does begins with the establishment of a goal, and the satisfaction he will get from accomplishing that goal will be the result of his reaching his expectation.

      When one does not realize his expectations, he feels disappointment and unhappiness.  At the turn of the key, the driver hears the sound of the starter motor fill the air.  When the engine does not catch, the drivers fill the air with sounds of anger and disappointment and unhappiness.  His expectation was not realized – he is in the EXPECTATION GAP.

Those who do not understand the EXPECTATION GAP experience a life of frustration and disappointment. Those who do understand the EXPECTATION GAP, and can adjust for it, experience a life of satisfaction and happiness. The more one understands the real factors in a given situation, the more he is able to establish expectations which can be fulfilled.  He then may avoid establishing expectations which cannot be reached and ultimately lead to his disappointment.

Your happiness is the result of achieving your expectations.

Those who do understand the EXPECTATION GAP, and can adjust for it, experience a life of satisfaction and happiness.

      The more one understands the real factors in a given situation, the more he is able to establish expectations which can be fulfilled.  He then may avoid establishing expectations which cannot be reached and ultimately lead to his disappointment.

Excerpt: Chapter Six  Marriage

Sex is an important part of marriage.  It may be the aspect most highly charged with expectations.  Because it is so loaded with expectations, it is an area which can bring a great deal of happiness as expectations are met, and profound disappointment as the expectations are not met.

                  It is obvious that a young man who has sex with a prostitute has little trouble meeting his expectations, or for that matter, she in meeting hers.  He will have fun and she will be paid.  And to the level of those expectations, he will enjoy himself as he exhausts himself, and she will as she counts her money.  It is a very low level expectation being met by both.

      In a marriage, the sex act is complicated by the expectations of not only achieving self-gratification, but in achieving the sexual gratification of the partner.  He would please himself, but he also expects to please her.  She would please herself, but she also expects to please him.  As the actions resulting from the expectations of either differ and work at cross purpose, so the expectations of the other are not met and the sexual union is one of disappointment and unhappiness.

      It is ironic that a man can tell his wife to please put more seasoning in the sauce and to cook his steak just a little darker, but when it comes to achieving the most personal expectations, he says nothing.  A wife can easily tell her husband that she expects him to take off his dirty boots at the door or to hang up his clothes, but when she has to express her expectations about sex, she is hesitant and even mute.  Yet, unless these expectations are declared and understood and met, there can be no happiness in the bedroom.

      The expectations of each partner must be met to achieve the high level of satisfaction this act can give.  The expectations of each cannot be known to the other unless they are described and declared.  When they are, the happiness that results in met expectations can be enjoyed.