Sex Is Not A Four Letter Word But Relationship Often Times Is

BODY, WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE TOUCHED?

One of the ways you can develop your awareness of what your partner’s body wants is to ask his or her body what it would like and follow whatever it tells you. You don’t have to ask out loud, although you can; you can also do it in your head. Start from the point of view that if you ask the body where it wants to be touched, it will tell you where to put your hands. You simply ask your partner’s body what it wants, and trust that your hands will respond. 

This prepares you for the most important part of great copulation, which is following the energy. Like anything else, it just takes practice.  You simply ask the other person’s body, “Body, where would you like to be touched? Body, what do you need?” and know that your hands will automatically go there. The back may need a lot of deep massage to release whatever tension has been created.  The feet may want to be massaged, or the belly may want to be rubbed gently for a long time.

Whatever you’re doing is about healing, and you have that awareness as you touch the other person’s body. Healing is part of the reality of true sexualness. Your body will be trying to heal your partner’s body. And their body will then try to heal yours, and that will expand both of you. It’s not really anything more than asking the body, “Body, where would you like me to touch?”

Have you ever had a massage from somebody who pushed too hard, and it didn’t feel good? They weren’t talking to your body and letting it tell them what it wished to receive. When somebody actually talks to your body, they touch it just right. That’s exactly what you want with sex: someone touches your body and they touch it just right. Sexualness is healing, it’s caring, it’s nurturing, it’s creative, it’s expansive. It heals you and your partner.

If you talk to your partner’s body while you’re having sex, their body will tell you what you need to do. It will tell you how slow or how fast to move. Always be willing to slow down. Intensity increases with slowness and gentleness, not with rapidity, force and friction. The slower you go, the more intense it becomes, because the other person begins to anticipate.

Great, expansive sexualness is about asking the body what it wants and following the energy. It’s not about the friction, it’s not about the force, it’s not about the violence. And it’s not about the techniques you use. Some people are into using techniques such as those taught by practitioners of Tantric sex, but we’ve found this is actually a limited perspective because it promotes the use of techniques, rather than awareness.

If you are following the energy, you will know exactly where to touch someone. With techniques, sex becomes a doingness, but you want it to come from your beingness. Sexualness is always a beingness. It’s part of who we are. If you want to be good in bed, start asking your parnter’s body what it wants, and create it with slowness and gentleness.

Following the energy is an ongoing process. You continue to be aware.  You touch the body where it asks to be touched, and you notice a difference in the energy, and then you ask, “Okay, what else would you like me to do? What else is possible?” You recognize that the entire body is a sexual organ, and you are in a constant state of motion and awareness of what it is asking for and how it responds to what you do.

What some people tend to do is ask the body what it desires and focus on that one point.  “Okay,” they think, “I’ll put my attention on the breasts, and that’s all I need to do.”  But the truth is that making the breasts a focal point of your attention may not be what the body desires. You need to continuously receive the information that the body is giving and continuously gift to the person you’re with. Even while you’re touching the body in response to its request, you are aware of what is occurring for it as a result of your touch, and tuning in to what it wants next. We call this process of continuous awareness remaining in the question.

Later on we’re going to explain how to give your partner, male or female, a full body orgasm.  We hope you will learn how to ask your partner’s body what it wants and trust your body to respond to its request, because that is how you begin to get there. The important thing is to practice, practice, practice, as often as you can.