The Checklist

“Before meeting Tim I knew what I liked and disliked in a girl but hadn’t really taken it much beyond the physical. I now see how limited that approach was and how it must eventually lead to disappointment and failure. Love, true love, may have no requirements but from where I am now I desperately need a checklist, no matter how crude. Those who don’t make one will suffer from frustration, rage and even violence. And who wants that? Not me, not anyone, but yet we read and hear everyday of the emotional grief that we inflict on each other, often unknowingly.

“No one, it seems to me, is prepared for the onslaught of love; it picks us up and puts us down when and where it wants. The problem is we think we know what we want. In my case I know I want a woman to love who can return that love in full measure. I’ve had all sorts of fantasies of my ideal sexual partner, visions made up of film stars, Page Three beauties, girls I’ve seen in porn magazines or on the beach but reality is always different to what the mind conjures up. Despite my fantasies I do have a sense of what a beautiful girl is. Basically, I’m looking for a life partner. That’s my aim, anyway.

 “I‘ve always preferred girls who are natural and by that I mean no or very little make-up. Irish girls, country girls, and Asian girls have that quality. City girls are often pasty-faced, smoke and drink heavily, depend overmuch on social services and can’t cope when things go wrong, like a bread shortage or power strike. Country girls can cope and that’s because they haven’t lost contact with Mother Nature. So physically, I prefer slim, clear-skinned, long-haired, buxom girls who don’t smoke but can enjoy a quiet drink, a tonic or a cocktail. Preferably educated, even if more qualified than I am, who have a profession and who are ambitious. After all, the vast majority of us have to spend eight, nine or ten hours a day at work so we might as well get as much for our time as we can. I’m certainly ambitious in my work and I’d prefer Miss Right to be the same.

“Because money dictates lifestyle, she’d have to be solvent, preferably a home and car owner, a contributor to a private pension scheme, have health care insurance and possibly some savings. I’m not a dowry hunter or a gold digger but material assets can add to one’s love life. Money is sweet and I intend to earn as much of it as I can. On the other hand I’ve no intention whatsoever of seeing one penny of it squandered by Miss Right. She’ll have to be penny-wise but not pound foolish, and steer well clear of loan sharks, financial advisers, insurance consultants and mortgage brokers. And she’ll have one credit card only.