Grounds for Marriage

If Only I Had Known

by John F. Crosby, Ph.D.



Book Details

Language : English
Publication Date : 06/06/2005

Format : Softcover
Dimensions : 6x9
Page Count : 184
ISBN : 9781420848359

About the Book

Who among us is so wise, so knowledgeable, so insightful, so self-aware, so well put together, so hip, so cool that he or she can choose a mate at the age of seventeen, twenty-three, or even fifty-something, who will prove to be a true and loving companion, friend, and lover over the next twenty to seventy years? Yet this is what our society and our elders expect us to do. The implicit message is that we should choose a mate and enter a relationship that will be vital and dynamic and sexually stimulating for a lifetime.


In Grounds for Marriage Crosby challenges the reader to consider what is myth and what is practical reality. Much of the social-cultural belief about love and marriage is nothing more than romantic folklore. “I am appalled at how little preparation in the choice of a mate our educational and religious establishments give our children and young people...,” he writes. This book is a no-nonsense and well-reasoned approach to the conscious and unconscious dynamics in the choice of a mate. As such, it is a first step in preventing the sad lament expressed by thousands, “If only I had known.” John F. Crosby is a retired professor of marriage/family studies and therapy.

About the Author

After an early career as a Presbyterian minister, Crosby did his Ph.D. at Syracuse University in marriage and family relations with a specialty in marriage and family therapy. Crosby has been a member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) since 1972. Crosby’s teaching career began at Indiana University. He then joined the faculty of the University of Kentucky and was Professor and Chair of the Department of Family Studies. Crosby is the author of four editions of Illusion and Disillusion: The Self in Love and Marriage (Wadsworth), which was adopted in over 400 colleges and universities between 1973 and 1996. He is also the author of Sexual Autonomy (Charles C. Thomas). He is editor of Reply to Myth: Perspectives On Intimacy (John Wiley & Sons) and When One Wants Out and the Other Doesn’t (Brunner/Mazel). Crosby has been married to Marjorie Eastwick since 1955 and they have three sons.