Letters To My Father

LETTER #3…..

Dear Father,

I am four years old now. I am growing really fast. I am a good girl Father…..aren’t I? I thought that I was a good girl, but something happened today and now I don’t know anymore. I don’t know how to tell you this, but I think that I did something bad today. I haven’t told anyone about this Father….can you keep a secret? I am ashamed to tell you this…but I am also scared of it and I know that you are big and strong and that You can help me and you are the best secret keeper in the world. Well here it goes, I hope that you aren’t mad at me when I get done telling you about this.

       My daddy is gone out of town again. He works in the city and last night my mommy went somewhere with a friend. She had one of her friends baby-sit us. Big brother is almost six now and big sister is seven, anyway I think they were in the living room watching T.V. and I was already in my room in bed. For whatever reason I was not asleep yet, I think that I could kind of feel something was wrong. Then this friend of mommy’s and daddy’s came into my room. He was a grown man and he walked over to my bed and looked at me. I smiled at him at first, Father, because I knew him and I thought that he was just checking on me, but then I started to feel uncomfortable. Oh Father, I feel so dirty, I don’t know how to tell you this, you are so clean and good and this is so bad and dirty, but if I don’t tell you I think that I will die inside and won’t be able to ever smile or laugh again. Father, he (that bad man) touched me down there. He just stood there touching me where I go potty, I don’t know how I know, but it was very wrong. I just stared up at him with my big four year old eyes, scared to speak or move. I didn’t understand Father. I still don’t. He didn’t touch me for very long then he left my room and he didn’t come back in. Please don’t be mad at me Father. I didn’t ask him or even want him to come in my room and I feel sick at the thought that he did. I’m not going to tell mommy or daddy or anybody else, but you. Can we please keep this a secret? I know that I am asking for a lot, but I need your help with one more thing…Please don’t let that bad man into my house ever again…please. If I ever see him again I am going to run and hide and probably throw up. I am also confused, Father, Am I bad now too? I didn’t want to do this bad thing and I am very mad at myself. I wish this thing never happened. Can you reverse time in my heart, so that my heart will not remember these feelings that are hurting me right now. Can you make my heart forget and My mind not remember? I could see myself lying there looking so small in my bed and I could feel how big my eyes were. I was a like a small animal that someone kicked or caged. Am I an animal Father? Why me? What about the bad man? I don’t think he was supposed to do that. It just didn’t feel right. And why am I scared that mommy and daddy won’t like me anymore if I tell them? This is too hard of a thing for a four year old to figure out….so will you figure it all out for me Father? Thank you…I love you…do you still love me?

love,

your little girl

P.S. don’t forget to keep the bad man away….please, please!

Dear daughter,

Oh honey, I do still love you. You are my little girl, my precious daughter through adoption. Of course I love you, sweetie and I want you to listen to me very closely and hear my words…Do not feel ashamed for what happened. This was a bad thing that this man did to you, but I did not let any of his bad spread to you. You are still pure and innocent, you are white as snow, radiant and beautiful. There is innocence in your laughter and goodness in your smile. I will not let the bad man take that away from you, nor will I let him take you away from me. I am watching you. There are many of my children who are lost and listen to the enemy and who want and do bad things. There are many bad men and what happened to you also happens to a lot of my little girls…but I am in control. I need you to help some of these other little girls when you grow up. You will have common ground with them. It was a bad thing, but you are not bad, you are a good little girl. Even though it was a bad thing, I can turn it around for the good. You are going to go through many bad things as you grow up, but I will save you each and every time and I will turn them around for the good. I need for you to remember one thing though all of these hard times….I love you and I will never leave you. Don’t forget this honey, keep my words close in your heart…for they are your protection.

love,

your Pappa Father

P.S. Oh, and don’t worry about the bad man….He will never walk into your house again. I am sending troops to keep him out.

“DELIVER ME FROM MY ENEMIES, O MY GOD, SET ME SECURELY ON HIGH, AWAY FROM THOSE WHO RISE UP AGAINST ME. DELIVER ME FROM THOSE WHO DO INIQUITY, AND SAVE ME FROM MEN OF BLOODSHED. FOR BEHOLD, THEY HAVE SET AN AMBUSH FOR MY LIFE: FIERCE MEN LAUNCH AN ATTACK AGAINST ME. NOT FOR MY TRANSGRESSION NOR FOR MY SIN O LORD, FOR NO GUILT OF MINE, THEY RUN AND SET THEMSELVES AGAINST ME, AROUSE THYSELF TO HELP ME AND SEE.”