Serve This!

The Crying Game

You really have to hand it to a guy who invites his girlfriend out to dinner, orders a nice bottle of wine to start, orders food and then... just while she’s settling in for a nice romantic evening... he breaks up with her.

It’s almost strategically planned, it’s like an art... the girl can’t make a scene or even react the way she could if they were in private, all she can do is cry quietly and spend her time walking in and out of the washroom. She never eats her food because she’s too busy absorbing what has just happened. And by the time he’s done eating, the whole thing is over.

The worst part is serving this table. This takes a lot of skill as well... you have to come in during a break in heated conversation, make sure you make no eye contact with the girl because she’s embarrassed enough as it is and get in and out as soon as possible...

Congratulations ass-hole, you’ve just joined all your friends in the club of cowards... it’s a big club too... and just so you know, it’s a permanent membership, whether you like it or not!

And before all you guys start berating me with comments... I do think girls are cowards too, I just haven’t seen them yet... I guess they hide themselves really well!

Smokers VS. Non-smokers

I hate to say it (especially since I’m a non-smoker), but smokers are ALWAYS better to serve than non-smokers.

The simple pleasure of holding a cigarette keeps them occupied and focused on something other than their appetite. Believe it or not, most people have a lot of trouble sitting across from each other with no distraction other than their own conversation... there has to be something, anything to take the focus off themselves. This is where I come in... I bring them the distraction just by being there, by bringing them their food, their drinks, their bill...etc...

However, this is where the problem arises... if I take too long with their food, drinks, bill, etc... they start to get antsy and restless. And what’s too long? It could be five minutes for one table and ten minutes for another... but for a smoker... there’s no such thing as too long.

You see the main problem is this: I control the distraction for a non-smoker, but for a smoker... they control their own distraction. They can have a cigarette whenever they want, they don’t need me to puff it for them. This is why they’re more relaxed, patient, mellow, I could go on. Smokers are never in a hurry, in fact, they would rather you take your time, that way they can enjoy their smoke.

For a non-smoker... eating IS the main event, so everything has to go according to schedule or my tip WILL start to decrease by the minute. For a smoker, eating is just PART of the event... so my tip is usually consistently good... unless they receive really terrible service in which case I don’t deserve the good tip.

In Conclusion... bring on the smokers!