Back in My Dad's Arms

While we may recall some of the trauma of our school days, most adults resolutely believe that they have outgrown their need for acceptance. We reject the idea that we have deep-seated insecurity. I used to believe that I had gotten past my insecurities. Why did I think so? Because I had forced myself out certain behaviors that I believed were “my insecurities.” I was determined to be the best, to be the one who does the choosing, to always have the advantage and to never let ‘em see me sweat. But those are symptoms of the need for acceptance. In reality, all I had over come was the symptom of a nasty illness that would emerge elsewhere later in my life.

As a child in the schoolyard being sought after for the team may have been the measure of acceptance for you... As a teen maybe acceptance came with drinking alcohol, using drugs, or through sexual experimentation. Perhaps you chose what some would call positive peer pressure such as athletics, National Honor Society or the science club. Positive or not, is acceptance the driving force? As we grow older the game is adjusted. As adults acceptance might come in the form of the notice of your accomplishments, a paycheck, a job title, promotions, or the frequency of your spouses affections. Whatever your measuring device, positive or not, acceptance is our driver.  

The scenery has changed but the truth is that we are still very much on the playground; the game has merely been modified so that it looks a little more respectable to us as well as to others who play. The way we are chosen (and the way we choose) is possibly a bit more subtle and the way we handle feeling like the last one picked from the looser line is generally pretty well glossed over. We have been conditioned to believe that showing no pain, being the bigger person, or lashing out in return is the way an adult takes care of rejection. You might have verbalized it something like this; “I don’t care what any body thinks of me!” Are you sure about that? I strongly urge you not to rest in your affirmative answer. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the truth to you about this important issue.

“Now wait just a minute Lyn”, you might say, “I’m a Christian and you are talking as if I was not.” Dear friend, if you are tempted to believe that because you are a Christian you no longer deal with acceptance issues you have been bamboozled! You imagine that you are not in the game. So did Peter. He was a successful evangelist. He was an apostle for crying out loud! But you know what? He didn’t believe that he was playing the acceptance game with his new Jewish friends. Paul had to tell him about it.  ...he (Peter) was clearly in the wrong. Before certain men came... he used to eat with the Gentiles. But when they arrived, he began to draw back and separate himself from the Gentiles... Gal.2:11b-12a

I have yet to know anyone that is not effected by questions of acceptance. Christianity by and large only modifies the game in a little different direction then does the world. While our need for acceptance won’t keep us out of heaven, it relentlessly destroys Christian families by stealing the joy that belongs to Christian individuals. The desperate need for acceptance ruins one Christian relationship after another. It brings tension, competition, greed and envy into the church. The need for acceptance is so time-honored in the world we live in that it goes mostly undetected (even in the church) and therefore lay dangerously unfulfilled under the surface (Prov.14:12).  Even when the need for acceptance goes unexpressed it causes people to suffer in the silence of their own unhappy thoughts. The Bible says that these thoughts in fact struggle within us -searching for a way of escape. (James 4:1)

Somehow we have gotten the idea that maturity in a believer means that we should show no pain. When we get hurt we want to demonstrate our maturity so what do we do? We show no pain. The foundational reason that many Christians suffer in silence is that while they believe in Christ for heaven they choose not to believe Him for their acceptance. Because of this we see no choice but to cover up our mistakes, our faults and our sins while we just sort of quietly vegetate in internal misery.

Sacrificing the abundant life...

We risk much when we make decisions based on the acceptance of people. Even when they are Christian people.....

The things that are important to you have a great deal to do with how you feel about yourself. Lets say from the time you were ten years old you have been developing the belief that owning a current year-model Cadillac means that you are an important person. The problem is that things haven’t gone your way. At forty years old you still haven’t owned that new Caddy. No matter how you slice it, this is going to have an adverse effect on how you feel about yourself. Whether it’s a Caddy, a country club, or to be seen in just the right light in church life- the things that are important to you will effect the way you feel about yourself.   

My Dad was a funny guy. It’s weird how the older you get the more you remember things that happened a long time ago. In recent years I have begun to recall more and more of my Dad’s quips and anecdotes. One of my favorites took place each time my Dad saw a little kid with his finger deeply entrenched in his nose. Instantly Dad would break into the most fitting poem; “the boy stood on the burning deck picking his nose like mad, rolling them into little balls and shooting them at his Dad.” It would tear me up every time!

Sometimes similarities to the present da