How Could You

It was an upheaval like none other.  I could never remember my father telling me he loved me.  He reached out to hug me.  I felt like an object for him to express his guilt.

   She instilled a fear beyond a fear within me.

   In the meantime, I don't remember seeing my brother.  He had to be somewhere, but where?

   He did it again.  I said, "Daddy, daddy, it hurts!"

   Wow!  That's was the wrong thing to say.  That was all he needed.  He yelled, "You get up those G.D. stairs, now!  I told him. "I'm going!"  I didn't move fast enough to suit him and he pushed and kept pushing till.................

   I'd stay in my room a lot and read my Bible.  I found great consolation in knowing Jesus loved me and His love would not fail me.  I couldn't see Him with my physical eyes, but my heart was responsive to what I read.  There was a peace within me for the first time in my life and it was going to be something that nobody could take away from me; ever.

   Home life was so far from being normal.  I couldn't understand why if other children had the same kind of life I had, why were they so happy and I wasn't?  Why was my childhood taken from me?  Who am I?  What am I?  I'm not understanding the "why's" in my life.

   I had moved into my older brother's bedroom and once again, I didn't know where my brother was or even where he slept.  There's a void here, and can never remember him eating at the table with us.  Where is he?

   Any man that would do that to a friend has very little integrity and a mother that would do that to her daughter doesn't deserve my respect.

   I was feeling very lonely.  As time went on, I realized just how selfish this man was.  I was beginning to understand why his first wife left him.

   My identity as a human being was gone.  The only way I could communicate was with pen and paper.

   I felt like he thought I was nothing but a work horse.