10 THINGS My Mother Should Have Told Me
A Journal For Black Women
by
Book Cover & Preview Text
Give a Man an Inch and He’ll ask you To Hold It for Him. (Theme song: Mr. Wrong by Sade)
I went out with this guy that didn’t have his high school diploma. I didn’t care because I loved him and I believed in him. Now back in the day they use to have these company’s that would help you get your high school diplomas from home. Yeah, they would send you the work and after you completed the assignments and passed they would send your high school diploma. One day out of nowhere he decided this was the route he wanted to take to get his diploma. I’m sure it was for a job but I didn’t question it. I just encouraged him. Well, they started sending him the work and he did the first one. One day he and I were having a talk. I don’t even remember why the conversation started or what it was about. All I know is by the end of the conversation I was going to be doing all the assignments and he would send them in. I really didn’t mind though the worked was equivalent to reading See Jane Run but something told me that I needed to see what this man was really made of. So I did all the lessons and gave it back to him. The only hitch was I wrote the answers on notebook paper and handed it to him. I told him since the Diploma Company had already seen his handwriting on the first lesson he was going to have to copy the answers over on the worksheets and send them in to get his diploma. Now I knew that this company just wanted his money and I doubt seriously if they were affiliated with any board of education anywhere but I just wanted to see what he would do. Well, you know what happened. He didn’t get his diploma because he didn’t want to copy the answers onto the worksheet.
The terrible thing is I didn’t leave him. As black woman we are often accused of leaving when a man is down. We supposedly always talk down to our men. Allegedly we don’t support them. If they lose their jobs we leave or make them feel insignificant for not having a job. If they say they didn’t do it we automatically assume they are a liar. If he makes a bad decision we bring it up at family gatherings so everyone can join in on his embarrassment. I didn’t want to be one of those women so I stayed.
10. My mother should have told me that every black woman does not have to be the female equivalent of Martin Luther King. It is okay to say I do love you and want to support you but where you are doesn’t fit what I want to accomplish in my life. There’s nothing wrong with being there for someone but know that it’s okay to leave when you have done everything you can. It’s just as important to be there for yourself as it is to be there for your man.
Formats
Book Details
About the Book
In the real African America community we women have unwittingly adopted a code. The “she’ll learn” code. We go through things ourselves and learn hard lessons. After the lesson is learned, too many times, we don’t share them with the other women in our lives. Often we’ll see someone our own age or younger headed for the same disaster, but instead of offering a hand or heart we shake our heads, look down and say “she’ll learn”. This journal was created to put an end to the cycle of not passing on the knowledge. Through your own writings you can validate yourself, create an action plan and help another sister just by letting her know she is not alone.
About the Author
Tess Shaw is a certified trainer in the wireless industry. She is a subject matter expert on the Adult Learing Theory.
She is a mother of two and has been married for 12 years.
You have heard her sing with passion before on the Buster Brown Show. Now read her passionate take on everyday life and what she feels we can do as a community to make things better.