Cheated Out Of Life As A Child

As I was growing up, things were ugly, hard, miserable and mean.  I had a brother and sister, and I was the oldest child.  We all had different fathers, but we had the same mother.  She was so mean to me, she made me do all the things that she had to do in the house.  She fed us good, brought nice things, but it was not all that.  I couldn’t join no after school activities.  I could never use the phone.  She used to embarrass me in front of my friends; curse me and beat me all the time for no reason.  She abused me so much that when I went to school I use to act up so bad.  I wanted to just be left alone. 

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Today is the big day – my party.  Everybody there – my aunts, uncles, godmother, and cousins.  We all mingling, playing games, listening to music, and dancing, cause I love to dance and shake what my mother gave me.  We are getting ready to cut the cake and sing happy birthday and open up the gifts:  Oh thank you.  Oh girl, you brought me a Fendi bag -- it is hot.  Yeah, Ray-Ray got a Xoxo bracelet -- it is banging.  Ebony got me the nice fourteen-karat diamond earrings, and Candie got me a hot coach set -- a bag purse and shoulder bag.  It is nice. 

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Well, things go back to normal.  This lady is so mean that I can’t even concentrate on my schoolwork.  I used to love to go to school to get out of that house, cause it was driving me crazy.  I used to leave early in the morning and go down to my kindergarten teacher house and drink hot chocolate.  She was one of the best teachers there was.  I was in school running around like a wild fool, but I always did my work.  I would just fool around a little too much, and get myself in trouble. 

Oh boy, it’s time for school to get out.  I have to get those miserable feelings that I get when I go home, cause I know it is going to be “clean this, clean that”.  Then she will look and say, “You missed a spot.”  Who the hell she think she is?

I be so glad when I get grown so I could get out of this house.  It is not love what I feel for this lady.  She talks about me like a dog.  You would think I was the worst child there was.  I have a brother and sister.  Why not call on them to do something?  Don’t play me, play lotto -- you have a better chance of winning. 

She always lets Victor and Vizzie go places, but not me.  All I was good for is to go to school and clean the house.  I need to just get away from all this drama cause I will never have anything as long as I stay in this house.  Things are so wrong with me; I will never have anything in my life.  My mother was always hard on me doing things.  I said I will go to school just to get out of the house and get peace of mind.

That’s why I always act out in school – cause I was never comfortable in my home, always being screamed at.  My mother was so hard on me; she blame me for every little thing that went wrong.  She made me do things as if I was a maid.  She used to make me stay in the house for no reason while my sister and brother went out to play with they friends and have fun all day.  I wish I just had somebody to talk to, cause living in a house that you are not comfortable with and being screamed for no reason will make you act out, even if you are an older child.  That’s what make things so hard, cause you are the oldest child and things always fall on you. 

My mother believed everything that my brother and sister told her about me.  That ugly ass Vizzie, she was always jealous cause she couldn’t stand the pressure I use to put on her.  I knew she was in control when she us to tell Mommy things that weren’t true, so when I got her, you know they were some good ones.