Living Loved
Recognizing and Responding to God
by
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I
looked at him, my son, tall and strong. A surge of joy spread through me.
“Michael,
I’ve got some ideas about gradua-tion day. Do you think a picnic would work for
your dad and his family?” I was trying to think of a way we could all be
together and comfortable.
“Mom
. . .” He paused. “I’ve already got it planned. I want to have dinner with you
and this side of the family on Saturday. Sunday, after graduation, Dana and I
and the kids will eat with my dad at a restaurant. I’d rather not have the two
sides of my family together.” He was firm.
I
was floored. I wasn’t invited to celebrate with him on his graduation day. I
was excluded.
I
stared at him, my heart cracking. Quickly I gathered its pieces together and
replied, “Oh . . . OK.” I thought a minute. “Is it all right if I come to the
graduation service?” I knew his father and stepmother with their children were
driving 300 miles to attend his graduation.
“Sure.
I’ll be sitting with the other graduates. I can handle that.” He gave me a hug.
I
watched as he and Dana and the kids left, my mind wandering back through the
years, searching for the reason for Michael’s fear. I found it. Memory of a
meal when Michael was nine haunted me, and apparently Michael, too.
His
father had met us at a restaurant in order to return Michael to me after a
short visit. While we were eating, Ken had looked at me out of the side of his
eyes, licked his lips, and then proposed a change in custody. He couched the
“offer” in words that assured me he was attempting to help and do me a favor.
“No!”
I said without any hesitation. That sin-gle word sounded my determination to
keep my child from being ripped from me. In today’s world, where commitment and
vows do not hold, I had no intention of giving him up. My son could trust that
he was not negotiable.
The
atmosphere immediately tensed. I re-member Michael sitting there, next to his
dad, watching me. The muscle in his father’s jaw twitched, a familiar signal.
He was angry but con-trolling it. While we had been married, that sign would have
driven me to placate and please him. But I stayed firm.
And
I was furious that he would bring it up in front of Michael, springing it on
me. Again I recognized his attempt to manipulate me into giv-ing him his way.
Many times in our marriage I had left my needs unmet (and thereby those of my
child) in order to keep harmony.
As
I thought of that long-ago meal, I found myself crying. Agony spread throughout
my body. I understood Michael’s dread of his father and me being together at a
meal.
Oh,
God, I need Your help on this. I’m glad Michael told me what he needed. I can
comply. But I hurt so much.
I
thought about not being able to celebrate with Michael. “I can do this for
him,” I determined.
“Inside,
I’ll be kicking and screaming. Out-side, I’ll smile and cooperate.” I twisted
my face into a wry smile, practicing.
Oh,
God, I look to You for comfort.
Laurie,
I lost my visiting rights in
Shock
reverberated throughout me.
I
thought of God waiting patiently for me to invite Him. He had to have my
permission in order to spend time with me or visit me. He couldn’t restore me
to His family or give me my inheritance unless I accepted . . . even though He
had died in order to have “visiting rights.” As I thought about the
restrictions God has accepted in order to give me freedom, my mind moved to
future scenes...at world’s end.
And
I heard His agony resound throughout the earth as He finally relinquished those
who chose to leave Him, who chose to say “NO” to His offer of salvation.
I
heard His agony in earth’s chaos: “And there were flashes of lightning, voices,
peals of thunder, and a great earthquake such as had never been since men were
on the earth . . . every island fled away, and no mountains were to be found;
and great hailstones, heavy as a hundred-weight dropped” (Rev. 16:18, 20, 21).
As
God shared His sorrow with me, I drew closer to Him. I knew He understood the
pain I felt in this short separation from the son I loved.
Lord,
I forget that You feel.
I think of my own emotions, expecting
You to provide comfort.
Thank You for sharing with me.
When it’s time for You to wipe away my tears,
may I wipe away Yours? And may I bring
You comfort and joy now.
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About the Book
Living
Loved: Recognizing and Responding to God lets the reader into the private and
intimate areas of the author’s heart and mind. Many writers, pastors, or
spiritual leaders encourage others to let God into their lives by telling Bible
stories, giving snippets of generalized accounts about their own or others
experiences, and by sharing philosophical viewpoints. Although not a “how-to”
book, Living Loved details one person’s coming to live in close, personal
friendship with God. Author Laurice Shafer writes for the person who has
wondered about someone else’s spiritual life, hoping to find encouragement for
their own experience of God. She tells of God’s efforts to bring her into
friendship with Him, describing it as it was...defects of character are acknowledged,
God’s specific interventions described, heart to heart communication between a
woman and her God detailed, and healing and growth in human relationships
explored. The hope that comes with experiencing God and His power to restore
resounds in this book.
About the Author
Laurice
E. Shafer, author, teacher, and counselor, has used her writing skills through
the years to engage her listeners' emotions in a subject, encouraging them to
find and understand their own feelings and needs. Early in her life she
recognized that"something" was missing. This drew her to helping
others with their emotional traumas. She says that only as she began connecting
to God on an emotional level did she find relief for her own wounds. Reading of
others experiences and actively seeking God in His Word encouraged her to
became open to His healing hand in her life.
A hospice social worker for several years, she provided grief support to
patients and their family members. For the last five years, with her husband
John, she’s organized and participated in seminars and groups that promote
finding God’s healing for life’s traumas and hurts. She lives and writes in